You don’t have to be a warrior all the time

First, I would like to say that everything below, all my thoughts here, are from observation, not from experience. But I want to look back as this idea continues to appear in my music Treatment Sessions with people who are on the way through their cancer journey.

What words and phrases do you constantly give to those suffering from cancer treatment? “fight”. “Warrior.” “Survivor.” “Battle.” “You got this.” “You’re strong.”

But what if they don’t want to be “strong”? What if they are trying to lose that “fight”? What happens if they are at a point in time that they are accepting their fate and deciding to move towards mitigation or hospice care? So what? Did they lose? Did they not “fight” hard enough? And does that mean it’s probably their fault?

When you work with being “having cancer,” there are many emotional levels. And yes, sometimes there are moments when you want to fight, and you may find empowerment in it. But the journey is personal to those on board it. And if the idea of ​​being a warrior or a fighter is not being helped at this point, well… it’s fine. (And we are fortunate enough to not work throughout that journey. Do you suggest someone that we need to “fight”?) Sometimes, just being “in it” you need to feel what you’re feeling, sit down, process, and yes, be defeated, scared, scared, and feel sorry for yourself. It’s their journey. Maybe sometimes they feel so defeated that they just want to lie in bed… shame.

What is your battle song?

I promote weekly music therapy groups for organisational life with cancer. Members are at various points on their cancer journey. A while ago, we brought a song to listen to together. It was a “battle” song that someone in the hospital had been treated shared with me. I thought I would share it with the group and see what they thought. Then I ask what their “bat” song is. (In other words, everyone experiencing cancer has a song about “fighting” right?)

After hearing the song, the first comment was, “It’s a good song. But I don’t know how I feel about the song of battle. I asked if she could talk more about it, and she said, “Well, fight, fight, I don’t know. What if you lost a fight? Did you fail?” Others agreed. There seemed to be a consensus on the song “Fight.”

That has fallen into many perspectives for me. I never thought of it that way. (And certainly, I felt a bit insensitive at the moment.)

But it opened a great conversation. Someone else in the group said, “I like that song. I feel I need a new battle song. I’ve been stuck lately. I need some. motivation Right now. “My head was shaking… “It really depends on the day. Some days, I need a motive like a push. But one day, I just want to lie down on the couch and don’t feel guilty about it. And when I feel that way, I don’t want to hear about the fight.” More head nods.

It made me fully realize that it is truly a personal journey. There is no “fit all sizes” approach. This is personal to each and every person experiencing it. And they can decide. They will choose whether they want to fight or not. And for us who support them, we need to recognize it. We need to respect that.

Music gives you what you need when you need it

And this is one of the reasons why music and music therapy are a great support for people traveling around cancer. why? Because music is what you need when you need it. Sometimes you may need that fight song. Maybe you need Katy Perry Roll soundor Tom Petty I won’t retreat. But sometimes you may need something more depressing, something that represents what you are feeling in the moment. It provides empathy and verification. Maybe you need it Everyone hurts rem or Fix you By ColdPlay. At the end of the day, sometimes you need to feel what you feel. Music can support that.

And in my experience, for those suffering, for those in pain, for those in fear, uncertain, it is often a deeper, more supportive, more powerful, more useful, melancholy music on an emotional level. We often have a hard time expressing what we feel inside. When we can’t find the words, music can speak for us. Music also brings, encourages, releases emotions, and music is aesthetic, and there is an inherent beauty within it. It is the perfect dichotomy of projecting what is felt against what is wanted to be felt.

The melancholy expressed through music has a unique comfort. Again, these songs provide empathy and the feeling that “what you feel isn’t alone.” And it can give you power.

So, next time you want to support someone in the middle of your cancer journey, don’t try not to suggest that they will probably be “fighting” or “warriors.” Become empathy To what they need. Navigate to call the shot. Often, we simply exist is where we begin. And yes, sometimes they may need sia’s ones I can’t stop it. But what they might really need is Joni Mitchell’s Both now. And that’s a good thing.

The healing power of music…