Would your true kind parents stand up?

Co-authored by Robert Betten and Adam A. Rogers, Ph.D.

New trends have wiped out the country: “It’s calm Child-raising. “Is that the same? Social Mediamom’s blogs, or morning shows, young families seeking parenting guidance have come across popular media that claim to promote gentle parenting as a more balanced approach to parenting.

One Tiktok user posted a reel on how to implement gentle parenting in two steps.

The rise of gentle parenting: what is it really?

The term “calm parenting” was popularized by author Sarah Ockwell Smith in a book published in 2015.¹ According to the book, “Careful Parenting” is essentially a synonym for authoritative parenting, and is a well-studied parenting style that emphasizes three important principles.

1. Parents’ reactions to children’s needs
2. Respect your child’s emotions and perspective
3. support boundary Developmentally appropriate expectations

In contrast to a more authoritarian approach, authoritative parenting represents a sweet spot where appropriate rules and boundaries are achieved in the home through parental warmth and respect for the child’s perspective. Research consistently shows that authoritative parenting promotes abundant social, emotional and academic interests in children from a variety of backgrounds.²

Popular media, especially social media, has emerged a surge in content that claims to model this principle of “moderate parenting.” However, at first glance, it reveals a more distorted version of the original’s well-established ideal. Do “Careful Parenting” influencers really teach prestigious parenting principles? Or are they pushing something else?

Think a little about what you are thinking when you hear the phrase “caliber parenting.” Perhaps we came up with other terms such as kind parenting or careful parenting. Or perhaps you don’t know. If so, you are not alone.

Even established journalism tackles concepts that continue to evolve. For example, consider an article from New Yorker, He makes the difference by claiming, “Mild parenting represents a departure from the still dominant progressive approach known as authoritative parenting…”³

Apparently, even the most established research principles cannot be filtered through social media algorithms or influencer communities, and still remain completely intact. It is not surprising that the concept of gentle parenting drifts far away in some circles from its original intended meaning. Sarah Ockwell Smith herself expressed the concern four years after publishing the book, saying, “I think a lot of people who think they’re practicing mild parenting are actually very tolerant.” She mourned.⁴

Unlimited kindness

Even scholars are trying to reach the bottom of this phenomenon. In a recently published study exploring the meaning of “calm parenting” among parents today, Dr. Alice Davidson and Dr. Annie Pezara asked 100 parents to explain their parenting style using adjectives.⁵ The parent, identified as “calm parents,” described parenting with gentle, loving, conscious, and intentional adjectives.

They then asked parents who accepted “calm parenting”. They are I became a parent. According to Dr. Davidson, kind parents used “describe parents to explain fewer, simpler words,” and described them as reactive or conflicted. This was also true for participants who were with their parents who showed a wealth of warmth and love to raise their children.

These findings suggest that kind parents may focus on sensitive and compassionate aspects of their parenting approach, just as they resent the strict and disciplined approach of their parents. Are you wondering if the former is probably the latter’s fault?

Even many anecdotal experiences and studies seem to support this idea that “calm parenting” is often mistaken for tolerant parenting.

Tolerant parenting is also a well-researched parenting style. Warmth is included Openness They lack boundary, discipline, and rational expectations of children’s thoughts and feelings. As a result, children are usually in control. Research shows that the presence of clear boundaries and consistent discipline provides structures that help children learn to self-regulate. Without these ingredients, children may develop self-regulation defects, which can lead to some unwanted downstream characteristics and behavior.

When I notice that gentle parenting influencers emphasize warmth and responsiveness with the name “”Self-regulationBut, they may lack half of the equation, failing to maintain proper boundaries and discipline. The beauty of prestigious parenting lies in its rational expectations and the ability to deeply respect your child.

But why is this important?

One Reddit user shared a story about her sister. My sister decided to become a “kind parent” after watching numerous Tiktok videos. Users say his sister “describes her style as gentle…but it’s really generous…she lets her kids get away with everything, and the kids know that.

Ironically, users described the issue with gentle parenting, saying, “Children need to be respected, but rules and boundaries are also needed.” In providing this example, users mistakenly provide a complete definition of what mild parenting was originally intended: authoritative parenting.

Many of these examples are anecdotal, but they are well-prevalent so that young parents can take it seriously and even change the way they raise their children. I agree with one commenter who responded to the above New Yorker Article, “Names – Parenting in a circle – can’t show that it’s not the best, as it only emphasizes the love part without giving hints that the limit part is equally important.”

At the end of the day, it seems that the “calm parenting” video will always go anywhere. So next time you scroll through Tiktok and come across some gentle parenting advice, consider asking yourself the following questions:

If not, continue scrolling.