Why do so many people continue to be involved in unhealthy relationships?

• “What’s wrong with me? I’m continuing to be involved with abusive men. I’m learning about the red flag, but nonetheless, I’m continuing to be involved with men who are emotionally and physically abusive.”
• “Every woman I’m involved with is over Fraud myself. I don’t understand. Is there any problem with me? ”
• “I have a pattern of involvement with men who get very critical of me. They don’t start like that. In fact, they look very loving and kind at first, but over time they become critical.”

These are three examples of questions that many of my clients ask me when they start Treatment. Luckily there are answers to their questions. In this post, we will explain what is often motivated us to develop patterns of choosing the wrong partner. In my previous post, I wrote “trauma Reproduction of Abuse Survivors, We discussed how we tend to replicate unresolved traumatic events. Unconscious How to solve them. Therefore, the young woman who abandoned her when her father was seven years old may be continually involved with a man who abandons her or refuses her in an unconscious attempt to complete an unfinished business with her. By engaging in a man who throws away, she unconsciously tries to change the outcome of what happened as a child. Abandoned children often blame themselves, so this time they work very hard to “get it right” in their relationship.

In this post I’ll explain the most common type of reproduction I call.Relational recreation” – Repeat trauma through our relationship. This type of replication can manifest in a variety of ways, but often involves continually entering unhealthy or dangerous relationships.

Reproducing relationships can often be dangerous, but changing the repetition pattern often feels helpless, as it is precisely that repetition enforcement is just that. Those involved in reproducing these types of reproducing feel compelled to return In A person or situation who replicates past trauma in an attempt to change the outcome. For example, those who were abused Childhood Not only will you be able to continue to engage with your abusive partner, but even if their lives are threatened, you may not be able to end the relationship. They are so bent at “I’m going to do it” this time around “I’m going to do it” and “make it right” that they’re stuck in a negative pattern.

Of course, the problem is that we cannot change the past and attempts to do so can prevent us from doing our actual work. This work involves two major efforts. 1) We need to process our emotions angerpain, and shame Related to previous trauma, 2) we need to complete an unfinished business with the person or person who hurt us. However, before you begin any of these steps, you need to identify your trauma.

This can often be difficult. One of the reasons why trauma can have a long-term impact on our physical and mental health is that traumatic memories are often not stored like other memories. For example, traumatic events are often memorized. Not integratedthat is, instead of living in the past with all other memories, traumatic memories can appear in the present as troublesome symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, and panic attacks. anxiety, depressionor you should avoid reminders of traumatic incidents. Alternatively, it can be displayed in a reproducing form.

Many of you know your major trauma: you were physically abused as a child, your mother died when you were young, your father abandoned the family when you were nine, you were sexually abused at the age of five, or you were badly ignored by your mother. But for some, your trauma is not so clear. In 2019, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and Kaiser Permanente conducted a study to measure it. The negative effects of childhood Or Ace. They found that there was a 10 ace trauma affecting the majority of patients.

Exercise: How did you experience trauma?

Place a checkmark next to each of the following types of trauma you think you have experienced growth.

1. Physical abuse.

2. Emotional abuse.

3. Physical negligence.

4. Emotional negligence

5. Sexual abuse.

6. Mental illness (Living with a relative who has mental health issues can have a major impact on your child).

7. divorce.

8. Drug abuse. Drug abuse at home can lead to various unsafe conditions in children

9. Violence against mothers (Home violence is traumatic, but witnessing violence against primary elections Caretakerusually mothers can be particularly traumatic for children).

10. Have relatives sent to prison or prison.

Typical reproducing patterns in relationships

When someone becomes involved in reproducing relationals, they often look for someone who unconsciously resembles the person who hurt them. The goal of the unconscious is to change others to either bring about different outcomes or to receive better treatment from them. If you can make people handle them well, they can improve their feelings of self-destruction, Self-loathing. Below is a list of the most common types of relational patterns. Read the list carefully and place a check mark next to what you have identified.

• Your partner tends to be emotionally or physically violent.
• You tend to be attracted to people that are unattainable (e.g., unable to marry, commit, or unwilling).
• You tend to be attracted to people with serious problems (e.g. Alcohol addictiondrug addiction, sexual Addiction, Eating disorders) And you believe you can help or treat them.
• You will be repeatedly rejected or abandoned in your relationship.
• You are often fooled or betrayed.
• Your partner will be sexually demanding.
• Your partner is a sex addict or tends to get addicted Porno.
• Your partner will start to act (e.g. overdrinking, make out with other people).
• Your partner’s personality Over time it changes fundamentally (for example, he is more demanding or controlled).
• Your partner will be Jealous And owned.
• You discover something about your partner that you cannot accept (e.g. criminal conduct).

Take a closer look at the items with the check mark next to them. Do you understand why you choose the partner you want? Can you see the relationship patterns of relationships and childhood trauma?

It may be helpful if you still have no connections between your previous trauma and those who are more likely to be involved in the next exercise.

Movement: Identify patterns

You will need three or four font sized paper.

1. On the first paper, create a list of characteristics of the last or current partner. Include both negative and positive traits (i.e. smart, funny, selfish, angry).
2. On the second paper, create a list of positive and negative traits of the mother.
3. In the third paper, do the same thing as the positive and negative traits of the father.
4. Next, compare the list by side by side of all three papers. Circle any similarities between the three.
5. We look at the three lists and look back at the similarities we identified. For example, your last romantic partner might have been very angry, like your father. Your current partner may be overly critical and rejected, like your mother.
6. These lists may lead to an understanding of why you chose your current or last partner, and thus may reveal the fact that these relationships are recreational.
7. If further proof of the pattern of reproducing is required, note down the positive and negative properties of the previous two relationships (in either the fourth paper, or split the first paper into columns). This is a great way to see how you’ve replicated your relationship with your mother, father, or both.

Hopefully, the information and exercises in this post will help you identify the main causes of your relationship patterns.

*Note: All exercises in this article are excerpts from my book, Put your past in the past: Why are you recreating your trauma and how to stop.