What should you do when you’re too concerned about what other people think?

I watched Wilt Chamberlain play basketball as a kid. He stood over 7 feet tall and scored 100 points in one game. No one has done it before or since. One of the reasons why Chamberlain scored so many points in that game was his great free throw shooting. He scored 28 points from the foul line. How did he usually do it when he was a horrible foul shooter?

He shot an underhand. It was called a grandma shot.

Instead of the typical shape with his hands raised over his head, he held the ball between his legs and lobed it into the basket, as the girls might have done in these times. It looked interesting, but the percentage of shots entering the hoop was high enough to measure. In fact, it was amazing.

But Wilt didn’t keep shooting free throws like that. why? Because he said he felt like a “wimp.” He didn’t like the appearance it looked and hated the ridiculous laughs he got from his fans. There he pauses and returns to the poor free throw shooter, making only 40% of those shots.

Wilt’s contemporary, Rick Barry, popularized the underhand free throw shots. Careerhe shot almost 90% from the foul line. Like Wilt, he got Snide’s remarks and Jeering, but he didn’t mind. Barry loved being the best. He cared more about the outcome than he imagined. In a year, he only missed nine free throws throughout the season. In comparison, LeBron James misses about 150 free throws a year. But he, no one in the league today, is willing to shoot underhand. When Barry asked the other NBA players why, they said what Wilt said: They didn’t like how it looked.

When the appearance is too big

Why are most of us like Wilt Chamberlain like Rick Barry? Why do we care so much about others’ opinions, and even strangers are hiding behind the screen? It’s meaningless. But we live in the world Social Media Judgment. It breeds obsession with external opinions.

Rick Barry became a Hall of Fame player and is the only player to lead the NCAA, NBA and ABA in scoring. He didn’t care what other people thought about his style. So, is his answer? Is it that easy? It’s not that fast.

You cannot unilaterally default to the “I don’t care” position. We are all part of a larger community, and others play a role in our lives. It is impossible to stop caring about people’s emotions, thoughts, and preferences. No one lives alone on the island. At the same time, I think we were too far in other directions. We care too much about other people’s opinions. Neither of them are healthy, but how can you balance the two?

CS Lewis called out people who care about making “breastless men” uncomfortable with others. The term describes people who do not have a set of beliefs or values ​​to guide their decisions. They are at the mercy of public opinion fear There are too many courts for rulings. When cultural headwinds are strong, they are blown away. A small breeze blows it away. However, if it’s full of sand (or anything else), you can stand when the wind blows.

So how do we balance our thinking?

First, make sure you’re not a “breastless” person. Ask yourself: Would I avoid disagreement with others? Are you afraid of other people’s objections? If so, fill yourself with the value that allows you to stand strong and not blow away when the cultural headwinds are blown away. Develop a set of timeless principles that work like sand to stabilize you. To do this, start with a list of core principles or beliefs that you will deeply embrace. If you find it difficult to make this list, check out the book on cultivating moral compasses like David Brooks The road to character or How to know people –or. Stephen Covey’s Principles-centric leaders. Each helps develop a set of individual core values.

We must be led to what is within us, not outside of us. As Benjamin Franklin said, “It’s the eyes of others that are ruining us. If I were blind, I wouldn’t want either luxury clothing, great homes or great furniture.”

Second, ask yourself the question “Why?” Why do you care so much about other people’s opinions? Our motivations reveal a lot about our personality. In fact, I believe that the reason you do something will ultimately decide what you are doing. That’s everything motivation. If you are worried about others’ judgments, it is a normal healthy motivation, as you are deeply caring for them as people. You are a part of a larger community that affects others and you know that you have to consider how your actions affect them. If you’re worried about their judgment, then you don’t want people to dislike you, so that’s another matter. If you’re a supervisor, there are days when your team doesn’t like you. If you are a parent, there are days when your child doesn’t like you. If you are in a position to face important issues, then there are people who don’t like you. As Abraham Lincoln said, “You can always please some people and all at once, but you can’t please all people at any time.” leadership It’s all about outcomes and relationships, but you need to achieve the outcome. Otherwise, you’re not actually leading anything.

At some point, you need to think of it like Rick Barry, not Wilt Chamberlain.