What is all the confusion about the fusion of dissociative identity disorder?

Fusion is a clinical term that is thrown into dissociative treatments. Identity It’s not like the obstacles are a big deal. It is essentially a term for a process in which two or more parts are integrated into one or all, sharing memories, emotions, and ways of life, leading to a more unified sense of self. But anyone who lives with them, anyone who has experienced fusion knows that it’s not simple. It is also not a requirement for a happy life. The fusion is messy. I’m confused. It can be unstable and one of the most painful experiences that a DID system can pass through.

I have experienced multiple fusions during the healing process. Each comes with its own versions of Heartbreak and Breakthrough. All of them broke me in a way that I could never fully explain to anyone who hasn’t experienced it. Older research has made fusion sound like a scientific experiment, so I’ll give it a try. it’s not. It is sacred. It’s real and I’ll be forever thank you He shared one of my experiences merging with the actor and mental health activist Annalyn McCord, who lives with me.

Lose Nancy

Nancy was a role she had been in nearly 20 years ago. She ran my life. I went to graduate school. I built me Career. I took care of my to-do list. She was the face of “Dr. Fletcher.” And she was exhausted. She was an “excessive woman.”

Her fusion never happened at once. It was like a slow collapse of everything I relied on to survive. she rejection It also helped to protect it. When she finally merged, it seemed someone had pulled the floor from under me. For the next few days I barely managed to respond to emails. I didn’t know how to do the laundry and my house was confused. None of the other parts wanted to take over her role. She had carried so many things for so long that we didn’t know how to exist without her, and at the time there was no spouse either.

Losing Nancy meant leaving my life version that no longer fits in. That meant leaving a marriage It no longer coincided with my soul. It meant facing a truth that I was so afraid of seeing. And that meant retaining the reality that Nancy had long planned to end our lives when her job was finished. The fear lived in my body for weeks. I now focused on my own healing with the support of my spouse and the practitioner I trust. And somehow, I survived it. But that loss? That was sorrow Just like I didn’t know. I shared as intensely as the sadness of losing my mother in 2018.

Veronica’s fusion felt like torture

Veronica was the age slider for my system, and was 10-13 years old and held one of the most frightening memories my system had carried. She dealt with the only way she knew about sugar and snacks. For years I thought I was failing Eating disorders He doesn’t realize that she is trying to get over the unbearable pain and eat her way, and does not recover. My body reacted in earnest when her fusion began. trauma Release, vomiting, shaking, crying, screaming. and, Memory It’s here. We will not go into detail here. After she merged, memories became mine. It’s not her. my. This was both rebirth and devastation.

Fusion does not always occur in treatment

People like to imagine it happening in the therapist’s office, in a predictable way. That was not true for me or to others who knew I was living with. They don’t understand why therapists stick to fusing and integrating the parts and making it a client’s goal without even discussing it in treatment. For me, the fusion happened in the middle of the kitchen, in the shower, in the floor.

Adge Fusion (“Age”) 17

Now I’m pronounced “age” during ADGE17. She’s one of my OGs Teen parts. She was with me from the beginning. Bold. protection. comedy. She made life fun and exciting. She’s softened and faded. She grew up. She knows her way of life doesn’t match where I’m headed.

This will hurt not only me but her friend. One of her friends called me and said, “You’re good, I saw you talking about how you’re integrated into your Instagram post.” Yes, we are fine. You are connected to most of my entire system. I’m still here and I’m in your life. This same friend has been in my life for over 20 years. She worked in mental health and never doubted me. She said, “I just thought you were in a bad mood.” The Adde is also the “favorite” part of most people. She has friends all over the world. The Add brought about unpredictability and excitement. She would put it all red in Las Vegas if I put the frontline for the rest of my life. I’m building something different now. If she stays forward, I will not fully evolve into everything I can. She knows that. I know that, and I miss her, but it’s time.

As Bren Brown says, “The process of regaining yourself is not comfortable. It’s not easy. It’s not fast. But we own our own story. We ring with truth. And we become stronger. ”