What and when should you share in a new relationship?

Whether you are looking for a new relationship date If you’re hoping for an app, a setup from a friend, or a random encounter, you may be wondering what to reveal in the early stages of connecting with a potential partner.

In fact, there are stages of trust in our emotions, thoughts, personal information, and past experiences that can help us decide when to share those parts of ourselves when getting to know someone.

Each layer has more vulnerabilities, so it is important to ensure that the first layer is successfully built before moving on to the next level. Also, as you advance through each level, you gain more information about your opponent, so you can tweak the process accordingly.

Tier 1: What to share in the first meeting

The most important thing you need to convey in the first moments of connecting with a new person is what you love about your life. Talk about your most cherished experiences, adventures, important people who have deeply influenced you, and what is most meaningful in your life.

Never complain about past relationships, about being taken advantage of, about things that didn’t work out in your life, or about worries about the future. You don’t want to attract a rescuer who is supposed to heal you.

If the person you are with responds kindly, you are off to a good start. But if they complain and moan about how they are being mistreated in life, justifying their cynicism; pessimismthey may expect you to be the savior who will make everything better. This is never a good beginning or a healthy ending, especially if you’ve done this before.

pay Note What you’re looking for and red flags that could be too disappointing in the future: hard-line fixed opinions that don’t align with your beliefs, blaming ex-partners, lack of responsibility for past mistakes, etc. , or you sexual Objects are a sad harbinger of potential deal-breakers.

Layer 2: Share what you can give and need in the relationship.

Hopefully you learned a lot about who you are from your past relationships. It’s very important to share what you’ve learned about yourself during the dating process and what kind of person you think you’d be best with. By being respectful and clear, you will let this new person know that you have benefited from your past experiences and are always open to learning more.

At each step along the way, make sure the person you’re opening up to seems welcome and willing and eager to respond when you share these important things about you. Please. Look for how your lives overlap and how they differ. Ask about and share other, current, significant relationships.

If things are going well, ask the person what they think they could have done better in past relationships, and share the same about yourself. Talk about how and why the relationship ended and how you both felt about the outcome.

Note: If you haven’t considered a sexual relationship yet, now may be the time to consider it. Being open about any STIs is very important for future trust. A confession may end the relationship, but those who find out later will wonder what else was involved that wasn’t shared, and trust is difficult to rebuild. Dew.

Level 3: Discuss childhood trauma and how it affected relationships.

Everyone has had tragic or painful experiences in the past. Whatever you went through was at the hands of people who were supposed to guide you and protect you but couldn’t or didn’t care. Any amount treatment You may have tried to help clarify and treat your problem. childhood Grief, experiencing words, phrases, sounds, people, and places similar to what hurt you in the past will always trigger you. Your future partner should know as much about you as you know about them.

Letting your partner know where you are most likely to be triggered and what they can do instead will help build trust in the relationship. That way you don’t have to face that pain again or innocently and inadvertently confuse your partner with someone from your past that can cause you pain and feelings of helplessness.

You can actually help heal previous symptoms trauma If you care enough about each other to find an opening and talk about it together. If such trauma comes to the surface, even in the middle of an argument, you can comfort each other instead of trying to resolve the issue at hand.

Layer 4: Accepting criticism and new growth

As you build quality trust with your new partner, you’ll hopefully become the kind of friend who challenges you openly, beyond all limitations, as a way to protect each other from the criticism of others who don’t care how you do things. Partners who have a great relationship provide security for each other, but not indulgence. They are reliable mirrors and infinitely support each other’s growth.

Learn and openly share what you see in the other person that makes them your hero and what influences you over time. Ask for criticism, ask for examples and preferences and lean into it. Try not to make assumptions or take things personally that don’t concern you. Show them the difference between a real apology that leads to change and just an excuse.

Help each other heal unresolved relationships from the past and build new relationships with other couples who support the same growth and commitment you now share with each other. Being with like-minded soul mates is very important for getting your own relationships back on track, expanding and growing trust and deeper love.