Wedding plans hide secrets

Example case

Dora and Dennis are a combined couple in my office. They are in great love, but they are looking for pre-marriage Treatment Because they are fighting over wedding planning. Dennis arrived at the session in a cotton khakis, with metal clips around the ankles of his pants, his bike parked outside. Dora has long black hair, pretty eyelash extensions, and expensive jeans carefully torn to her knees. She met Dennis after giving a public lecture on the impact of deforestation on tree frogs. His passion to save the planet impresses her, and he loves her lively and sweet ways.

With me, they discuss the wedding. Dennis lobby for a rustic outdoor environment, casually dressed guests, and vegetarian burgers. Dora wants a ballroom with white linen, sparkling lights and poached salmon. Crouching down the venue and food choices and something deeper: identity. The subtext is, “Are you someone who really wants a burger? Because in my family we never consider it!”

The wedding planning has a volume on the inevitable differences between each partner. In the fourth session, the issue is the gift bag. Dora says, “Adorable basket! Snacks and bottled water in hotel rooms for guests out of town!”

Dennis suddenly registers exactly what she said. “Bottle of water?” he asks loudly. “Whether it’s glass or plastic?”

“Plastic?” Dora says almost in a whisper as she picks a hole in her jeans.

He stands up and waves his arms to her. “Do you care about the amazing Pacific garbage patches? Those plastics are killing marine life!”

Dora’s mascara runs as tears drip down her cheeks. “Don’t scream,” she says quietly. “I’ve already ordered them.”

Dennis returns to the couch, and his body appears to be a contracted balloon. “Baby,” he says. “Sorry. I want you to be happy,” he sighed loudly. “Remember for the future, there’s no plastic bottle, right?” He grabs the organization and offers it to her.

They hold her, as if I wasn’t in the room, and Dennis gives her a gentle kiss. Standing on leaving, he says, “I think we’re fine for now, doc. Thank you!”

The hidden secret

In the Crucible of Wedding Planning, Hope Burns burns the perfect union and what it repairs within each of us. We want to see who we are and be loved, cherished, understood, supported, and never abandoned. From where I sit, one perfect day wedding planning and luxury feature is to divert you from what you really do. It takes time for that bliss to wear out. You gradually find out that you are flawed as the person you married, your union is all, and lobbying for your change will not resolve the differences between you.

Dora and Dennis will return in five years. They now have adorable boys and a house that Dennis designed to be eco-friendly, but they fight often. She misses living near her parents. His ability to control his temperament was shaken. She was tired of childcare and housework, and his dominant methods kept her out sexual Interest in him. He doesn’t feel supported by her.

They struggle with something deeper. They see clearly about other things they don’t like, and realize that they are burned into their partner characters and never change. This is the normal stage marriagecalled it “calculation”.

Calculation

It usually happens between three and seven years when you have a better idea about how you and your partner don’t fit. The disappointment this brings must be in harmony with the continuing value of being together. I tell the couple this: “The marriage job has just begun for you two. We have to dig deeper into what is happening under your battle.”

I ask each to talk about my relationship with my parents, how they were seen in their family, what hurts they are suffering, their beliefs about money, domestic roles, marriage, gender, children, and play. It’s always easy to see how happy you will be when your partner changes. The job is to see and own how you are flawed and how it contributes to the conflict between you.

Good marriage therapy

A good marriage therapist allows each partner to self-test in the presence of other partners. Because their exploration reveals their deeper vulnerability and fear to others, creating the possibility of real change. You can move your partner towards empathy, consideration of their needs, and an appetite for them, and an appetite for what they are wrong. This is necessary for a couple to repair.

angerDistance, Cuttering, Sexual Closure, Loss of Faith in Relationships is not something you want to think about on your wedding day. But from where I sit, this new stage of marriage is normal. You are considering who your partner is and there is a disappointing way for them to not meet your needs. To move beyond that, we need to accept those truths about others, balance them, and tackle the question of whether bad things are bad for a relationship. If you can accept things you don’t like, avoid them, and accept that you still love about others, you can become married, sad, wise, and ultimately happy.

Why are you happy after calculations?

Acceptance leads to viable compromises, creating allowances for each other, and halting the battle in a steady way to change what is incapable of change. As a result, there is a foundation of long-term love. It’s true friendship Each partner feels seen, forgiven and accepted for who they are.