Trauma is not an alibi: Balance of empathy and accountability

During my online discussion with my neighbor, one of them shared a deeply unstable experience. She was verbally physically assaulted by a woman who lived further under the street. She captured the second half of the encounter on camera and provided evidence of the hostility she endured.

My comments, especially when our community gathered around her in words of support and sympathy, caught me Note. Someone suggested that the attacker appears to be acting out of a violent sense fear And she realized the danger, as if she had put herself at risk. This insight resonated with me, it reminded me of so many clients, so I worked with people I had experienced trauma. Their pain often manifests in a way that surprisingly reflects the extremely harm that once suffered. As the proverb says, “People hurt people”.

This left me with a difficult question: how much trauma we suffer and as a result, should we spread our graces to how defensive we respond? And at what point do they have to be held accountable for their actions?

You can think of countless clients who will respond as a means of self-protection when faced with a particular trigger. One particular client stands out in my mind. She was one of the hardest working individuals I had the privilege to work with. She was devoted, introspective and committed to healing. She approached each session with a true desire to grow. And it was clear that she had made that effort beyond our meeting. However, when conflicts with her partner arise, her reaction became abusive. In a moment of pain, she anger There was no ban on entry. Although she later expressed regret, she also hoped that her apology would be accepted without question, and she justified her actions by referring to the wounds that have often shaped her. But if her partner even made a small mistake, he met an overwhelming judgment, defined by that single failure. This is classified as a Basic attribution errors. I often play this in these situations. People tend to justify their harmful behavior based on the situation, explaining why their reaction is inevitable or even necessary, and criticizing others for showing the same behavior, such as their parents. It’s a human tendency, but it complicates the balance between compassion and accountability.

What made this particularly heartbreaking was the recognition that the client’s actions at these moments reflected the very abuse she once endured as a child. The reaction she learned as a survival mechanism was now Manifesto In the way that hurt those closest to her. It was to remind me of how trauma rewires the brain, making reactive behavior almost instinctively feel.

You can also think of another client who maintains a relationship with a partner that exhibits a similar pattern to the client mentioned previously. At the moment of conflict, boundary They disappear, and their partner becomes abusive. It’s clear that the relationship is unhealthy, but my clients insist that people don’t judge their partners by trauma by stating that they’re not the sum of their trauma. I agreed, but while this perspective is extremely compassionate, I stressed that the lack of boundaries ultimately strengthens unhealthy dynamics and shows a willingness to withstand abuse. As a result, his partner feels empowered to continue this action.

Understanding someone’s past does not mean they will be spared the harm they cause. When does empathy for a person’s history stop justifying the consequences of current actions? And in what situations do you extend the same level of understanding? Consider the case of Sexual abusethe perpetrator was often the victim himself. Do you excuse their actions because of their trauma? How do you recognize that trauma shapes behavior while acknowledging the need for personal responsibility? Ultimately, trauma can explain harmful behavior, but cannot excuse them. We cannot justify perpetuating the same harm that was once inflicted on us. But what makes this conclusion particularly difficult is the fact that trauma truly reshapes the brain. It can reinforce certain responses, making it extremely difficult for an individual to be free from the patterns of harm they have learned. Still, change is possible with support, accountability and intentional effort. People can heal and learn about destructive behavior.

This incident in my neighborhood serves as a powerful reminder of the ethical and mental complexities involved in dealing with trauma. It challenges us to ask: how do we navigate the subtle lines between understanding and enabling? How do you support people who are struggling with the weight of the past and ensure the safety of those around you? And most importantly, how do we cultivate a culture of healing that recognizes both the impact of trauma and the need for accountability?

You can show compassion for the hurtful person, then hurt others (regardless of their intention), the outcome remains the same, but accountability should also be supported. Without it, we risk a world where our actions are not checked and leads to further harm. Healing and responsibility must be held hand in hand.