Therapy isn’t just about feeling better

Most often, people seek treatment because they want to learn how to be happy with themselves, or because they want to learn how to be more sustainable. Therefore they may use treatment This is because they are trying to create a better argument for their desired self-concept. Ultimately, therapy cultivates insights, but only of a certain type: those that support positive feelings. self image.

That in itself is not a harmful or wasteful effort. part of cognitive behavior The cognitive component of therapy challenges negative beliefs about themselves and helps patients imagine themselves in a less distorted way. The problem is when this is the only or main focus of the session. Feeling good about yourself, or at least getting better, is an important part of a broader treatment plan. Otherwise, the patient tends to become self-absorbed and try to develop more insight in order to surprise himself and maintain excessive pride. When some of us see a patient suffering from a problem, inner criticneglected to ask about the basics of internal chatter and jumped in to help them. What values ​​do patients have? Are they realistic? And how will they affect their relationship?

our perfectionist Patients tend to cycle between negative self-talk, hating themselves for their imperfections, and looking for reasons to feel bad. shameThat means believing that you are perfect. many lonely And they fail to understand how their ambition blinds them to the events around them. Therefore, for treatment to be as effective as possible, patients, in addition to feeling better about themselves, need to break away from the cycle of demonizing and idealizing themselves (challenging shame) rejection), temporarily stop thinking, “Who am I really?” and ask, “How do I relate to others and how do they relate to me?” is to ask.

People often believe that they are unhappy because they are not smart or attractive enough, even if others believe so.In reality, most of the time, their unhappiness is due to themselves. This is because we have created a world in which people’s interests are limited. . It takes a lot of maintenance to be smart or attractive. competitionwhich contributes to chronic self-doubt. In a speech by John Candy that is often quoted in Disney movies: cool runninghe says, “If it’s not enough without a gold medal, then having a gold medal will never be enough.” This means that a gold medal does not give you the security of knowing, truly knowing, who you really are. A gold medal is just a symbol of skill, luck, tenacity, and in a deeper sense, what that particular time and particular place has to offer, and is easily stripped away by both structures. This means that absolute perfectionism, the pursuit of perfection for everyone, anytime, anywhere, is like a wild goose chase.

People often need to see for themselves the emptiness of obsessive ambition. And in doing so, they may further recognize the limited benefits of the constant pursuit of self-knowledge (which usually also means the constant pursuit of a solid, positive self-image). The question “Who am I really?” Basically I can’t answer that. All we can do is make an estimate, taking into account the time, location, and people around us. An oft-repeated truism is that you cannot love others unless you first love yourself. But for perfectionists, self-love requires feeling perfect. One reason for this is that we have very high standards for ourselves. Therefore, we help them change their perspective and ask, “What do other people think of me?” “Can I improve the way I treat them?” “Am I sometimes cruel to them?” distrust do they really like me? ”

Perfectionists are plagued by inconsistencies and apparent inconsistencies that prevent them from grasping important insights. This means that others may perceive you differently than you see yourself. But their feedback and actions are most often all we have. Therefore, the behavioral side of treatment involves helping patients accept the possibility of being appreciated by others, and then helping them become more vulnerable, admitting their fears, and if they lash out when they feel anxious. By apologizing, you can help them try to improve their relationships. Hopefully, as positive outcomes materialize in this new feedback loop, they will start to care more about their impact on others, care less about whether they are really smart or beautiful, and become less solipsistic. may fade. Commitment to oneself is the next factor. depression and anxietyHowever, this does not mean that you should completely stop pursuing self-awareness. After all, you should care about others at least as much as you care about yourself. And you should care at least as much about getting to know them as you do about getting to know yourself.