The psychological war of parental alienation

Family alienation, Cutting Family off- or distances are increasingly recognized as one another as an important social phenomenon in the United States, but the causes and forms of alienation are diverse. Parental alienation (PA) One parent intentionally manipulates the child and unfairly refuses; fear Other parents are often during divorce lawsuits or high custody disputes.

PAs brought through manipulation and misinformation are unfair and unlike other forms of alienation that are not self-determined. In PA, children do not realize that alienation from one parent is due to external forces and that most often is the other parent. Rejection by a child’s parents is attributed to active manipulation by other parents.

A living experience of how alienation unfolds

PA exists as a form of excessive family influence, and as a professional in relationships like cults and cults, it is interesting to me because excessive influence is the same phenomenon that characterizes cults. Like excessive influence in a cult, children’s reality and autonomy are manipulated in PA. leaderit is the parent who becomes the agent of control.

PAs pressure children to mistakenly believe things and take actions that are not their biggest concern. This is the very definition of excessive influence. One person inappropriately uses impact to impose someone Free willespecially situations that include power balance. Children have a legal right to a safe relationship with their beloved parents. And it certainly is not the child’s greatest interest, but rather the estrangement from loving, supportive parents.

Children with PA are often told by one parent that the other is dangerous, unloving, and abusive. The result is a conflict of loyalty and progressive separation from targeted parents. Alienated parents may utilize a variety of strategies, ranging from the obvious destruction of targeted parents to more insidious forms of control, such as withholding letters, presents and harsh visits. Alienated parents may elicit child sympathy through the victim’s forged stories. The child then internalizes the distorted reality.

As Dr. Amy Baker, who interviewed dozens of adult children for her book, explained Adult children with parental alienation syndrome: breaking bonds that connectthe realization of alienation is rarely brought about as a sudden inspiration. Instead, it is a slow, often painful process of rethinking the past, usually triggered by milestones in life. Treatmentor witness similar dynamics in your relationship.

The lasting impact of related wounds

The results of PA are profound and often lifelong. Adult children report chronic low Self-esteemdifficult to trust, depressionand more Drug abuse. Many find themselves struggling to repeat relationship patterns, alienate themselves from their children, and develop healthy adult attachments. A typical thread is Guilt Refusing a beloved parent and shame Because they were “deceived” or manipulated by alienated parents.

This internalisation of guilt is exacerbated by the reality that children must suppress their true feelings towards targeted parents in order to maintain their primary bond with marginalized parents. “The submission to the reality of alienated parents was the price of admission to that relationship,” explains Baker. Many adult children grieve not only their lost parents, but also their lost parts.

How adult children realized they were alienated

First, it is important to understand that some enduring myths obscure the understanding and support of those affected by the PA, and that false beliefs often prevent reunion.

Baker found that mothers alienate children more frequently than their fathers, but PAs were by either parent; sex Or management status.

Additionally, PA can occur unharmed divorce family. In unharmed families, one parent can systematically undermine the relationship between the child and the other parent, and often uses triangulation and emotional entanglement. I have seen PA occur when one parent chooses to leave a high-control religion and the other parents want to stay.

Finally, it is not true and unfair to assume that alienated parents must have done something to deserve rejection. Society often assumes that estranged parents must have been abusive or negligent. The reality is that many targeted parents are loving and safe.

Adult children often have to break down some of these myths of the road to reconnect. The journey is very individual, but the research and living experience points to some common catalysts among marginalized adult children.

As children grow into adulthood and gain physical and emotional distance from alienated parents, they can question the stories they deserve and recall positive memories of targeted parents. Many adult children only begin to suspect PA after undergoing treatment for depression or unrelated issues anxietyor discover patterns of emotional manipulation Childhood.

Sometimes, large families, romantic partners, or even marginalized parents can reach out to you from an alternative perspective. Some will only recognize the truth of their experiences when they become parents themselves, or when alienated parents direct their hostility towards them.

The journey is long, but the rewards are amazing

The healing process from PA is not linear. Parental alienation is at its core, a serious and profound form of Psychological abuse. Adult children and their parents are often left to tackle angerregret and a deep sense of loss. Many adult children have lost over 20 years to marginalized parents and have to work on how they should be.

The key to the healing process is to release feelings of shame and self-relief. Reconnection often begins with an aspiration to consider another aspect of the story and approach targeted parents as adults. We need to accept that we cannot rewrite the past, but the future can be different.