the only problem you spend your life on

Source: Ivan Reydas, Wikimedia Commons

We Westerners, especially Americans, like to believe that we can overcome anything if we try hard enough. When we are young, we acknowledge that we have many conflicts, but assume that at some point in our imaginary future, they will pass and we will be able to move freely through the world without any problems. .

Sorry, this is not true. I think we all have one problem we struggle with the most throughout our lives. Certainly it could be improved, easier to deal with, and less confusing. But I don’t think it will ever go away completely.

what am i talking about? Well, it’s going to be different for everyone, but here are some classic ones I’ve seen in my work with people. fear Abandonment that colors my relationships and makes them not easy. The belief that you are not good enough as is, but that you must do or become something worthy of consuming the world’s oxygen. fear of intimate So in 99 percent of my relationships, I act like I’m a real person. A deep-seated, almost cellular belief that you are permanently flawed and nothing you do can fix it.

You may have more than one of these issues, but I encourage you to reflect and try to identify what is most core to you. I thought we all had some issues we were dealing with. But I now believe that if we truly get to know ourselves and work hard enough on our programs, we will understand ourselves in a certain simplicity that reflects the truth of who we are. I doubt that it will be. There is one issue that underlies all others. It’s like we were born into this world spiritual The curriculum for addressing this problem is that we are all born with this problem, even if perhaps some of us have contributed to the environment in the process.

Why is it important to recognize this? I think there are at least two reasons. First of all, by knowing and recognizing the truth of who you are, you will have much more control over how you live your life. We are no longer pretending to be something we are not, but are aligned with our own reality. If you know you are prone to this panic When considering abandonment, that knowledge becomes a powerful antidote to the worse confusion of the condition. I like to recommend to clients with core issues a simple mantra: “The problem is within me. I am not in the problem.” Thinking this way helps us see that on some level we are bigger than our particular problems. It may be destructive, disturbing, and at times destructive, but we are always greater than the sum of our parts and problems. .

The second reason I think knowing our problems is important is because it instills the humility we need in our lives. Recognizing that there is a limit to how much we can correct ourselves and that time will run out before a problem is resolved is a humbling and solemn truth that gives us generosity toward ourselves and others. .

So look at yourself in the mirror and recognize the flaws in your personality. It’s something you’re born with, and to some extent it’s difficult to handle. I think if we accept it enough, we’ll learn that thank you Because this state is perhaps more than anything else the driving force that propels us forward toward who we were born to be.