The hidden price of happiness

Most of us have been told at some point in our lives to “put on a happy face” or “fake it till you make it”. But pretending to be happy when you’re not can be harmful.

The more people value happiness, the more unhappy they become.

A 2024 study by Zerwas et al. Surveyed 1,800 people about their level happiness and their desire to be happy. The more you do, the more it turns out want The happier you become, the more disappointed you may actually become.

Let me be clear: there is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy.

(Phew!)

But you may run into trouble if you criticize yourself for wanting happiness rather than appreciating the moments of true happiness that come naturally. laughter Something to do with friends or while watching a beautiful sunrise.

If you find yourself putting pressure on yourself to be as happy as other people seem to be, it can have a negative impact on your overall happiness. Comparing yourself to others creates even more negative emotions, which negatively impacts your own well-being.

Focus on not being happy or worrying about not being happy sufficient, You can end up overanalyzing the situation and sucking the joy out of the moment.

Reconsidering whether you’re happy enough can plant seeds of doubt and vulnerability, which can result in: anxiety And disappointment. The mindset of “Why can’t I be as happy as them?” causes us to focus on the negative instead of the positive.

Be careful not to overthink the moments of joy.

Happiness is experiencing emotions that feel right, whether they feel good or not.

A 2017 study by Tamir et al. surveyed 2,324 college students from eight countries to determine whether happiness comes from experiencing positive emotions, such as being loved, cared for, and valued, or whether happiness comes from experiencing emotions that are consistent with one’s personal values ​​and values. the goal–Even if those feelings are unpleasant.

They found that experiencing the emotions you want to feel is generally a stronger predictor of happiness than experiencing pleasant emotions, even if you’re experiencing unpleasant emotions such as: anger Or resentment.

As you know, happiness depends on whether your feelings are real or not. And even if you’re feeling negative, you’re happiest when you experience emotions that align with your values ​​and goals. emotion In a moment.

An example of this would be someone who is angry about the injustices in the world. Anger doesn’t make you feel warm and fuzzy when you feel it, but because it’s a sincere emotion, you may find it more satisfying, especially if others are feeling it too.

Cheating at work won’t work.

A 2011 study by Hulsheger & Schewe found that when people fake their emotions to meet professional or social expectations (also known as surface acting), they experience higher levels of emotion. stress and more likely burnout syndrome.

Superficial behavior is thought to be associated with lower job satisfaction, feelings of isolation, and emotional exhaustion.

If you don’t like your job and decide to just wait and hope things get better, consider taking a more active role in your own happiness.

First, make a list of what you absolutely need for the job, such as minimum salary and qualifications. Next, identify your wants next to your needs. Examples of this include room for growth within 6 months and a friendly work environment.

If you can differentiate between your needs and wants, you’re more likely to find what makes you happy in both your long-term and short-term future.

False happiness may be more harmful to some people than others

A 2020 study by Cancino-Montecinos et al. found that some people who pretend to be happy when they’re not may experience the following conflicts: cognitive dissonanceoccurs when your actions conflict with your beliefs and feelings.

For example, imagine you want to eat a chocolate milkshake, but you tell yourself that you would be just as happy if you had a carrot stick. This can create tension and cause emotional turmoil and make you regret your actions, whether you chose a delicious chocolate milkshake or a healthy, crunchy carrot stick.

Cognitive dissonance is more likely to occur in people who also report symptoms of anxiety, sadness, irritability, and loss of self-confidence. It can also negatively impact your ability to make clear decisions and regulate your emotions.

Instead, try shy Move away from black-and-white thinking that categorizes some things as “bad” and others as “good.” Most things are fine in moderation, and being emotionally honest is the clear path to happiness.

The conclusion is

Happiness is certainly something most of us desire, but instead of comparing ourselves to others, it’s important to set achievable and realistic goals for what will make you happy.