Pets and hidden grief on immigration journeys

Recently I shared a post that invited people to talk about their relationship Pets And the impact of this bond on their lives. The idea was to understand what it would be like to experience moving with your pet to another country. I spoke to what began as an informal interview with Brazilian immigrants who share a deep emotional bond with their pets and the women I met. Facebook The group has transformed into powerful, emotional interactions. As a researcher and clinician who have heard a lot of stories about the complexities of animals and this relationship, I was hoping to hear about connections, challenges, and emotional support. These were topics in our conversation, but it also relates to what I learned to talk to them. sorrow, Resilienceand trauma It is related to separation.

While listening to many of the situations these women described, I looked back on my experiences with dogs. With their consent, I bring some of their experiences.

Bring one and leave one

When I moved to Canada, I had two dogs: Panro and Lisa. When I moved from Brazil in 2018, Panro came with me, but his presence was important during this transition. In the early stages of the pandemic, he was literally the only living being I could safely touch, and the only face I saw every day. With all social distancing measures and border restrictions in place, I spent 11 months without seeing my family while working remotely. During this time, his presence was based on me. He brought me a balance when everything else felt uncertain and I really experienced the deep psychological role that a pet could play as a stable one Attachments shape.

In 2021, I finally managed to take my second dog (Lisa) to Canada. She was behind with my parents as I couldn’t bring both at the same time. When she arrived I looked at her and felt something. It’s hard to explain because I knew Lisa was watching me. Our connection was still there, but we couldn’t shake the sense that something was lost in our time. Deep, prolonged Guilt I remain calm and carry this feeling with me to this day, even though I know she is loved and well cared for.

This feeling echoed in one of my interviews with women who left their dog with their parents and talked about the weight of leaving us with an important part of our lives and no longer present in every day moment we once shared.

What their stories revealed

There was something deeper than that in these conversations. For example, some women shared stories of losing their pets Childhood Because they were re-hold. In some cases, the family only said that the dog was with another family member.

That early trauma left scars. This still shaped the adult relationship with their companion animals. As they explained, being able to keep a pet while immigrant was not only motivated by emotional connections with the pet, but also a way to care for a part of yourself that was hurt.

Talking to them reminded me that immigration can be a very misguided process. Partly because there are several logistical hurdles involved, such as finding a home, adapting to new jobs, and learning new systems, but there are other factors. As the women I interviewed share, beneath these challenges are psychological sacrifices that include the sadness of separation, the disconnection from familiar spaces and people, and the vulnerability of redoing.

However, they also demonstrated how pet presence provides a very strong sense of homeostasis and belonging during this transitional period. At the same time, for those who live with older pets, fear Losing them is the source stressbecause that means losing connection to the home. One woman described it as a sense of emotional instability caused by the idea of that possibility.

Throughout the interview, people said, “She gives me a sense of home.” “I wouldn’t have made it without her.” Some people explained how they helped pets regulate their emotions during difficult times. For example, one woman described the frustration of not recognizing her occupational qualifications in Canada and the many barriers she faced when seeking employment. For her, having her dog by her side was not only comfort, but also a reason to continue trying. Another woman said that during a challenging time when she was struggling with mental health issues, her pet was her motivation To get out of bed. They also emphasized the importance of physical affection. They described the situation in which their companion animals provided emotional support as they began to question their decision to move to another country. For women dealing with a variety of health issues, her dog was trained to provide support during difficult times. This had a major impact on our ability to adapt to a new culture.

These stories give life to what research already tells us. Pets are family for many people. They help to reduce Loneliness And it enhances our sense of security during the transition of life.

However, this topic is often overlooked. In academic and cultural conversations about migration, we often talk about leaving the traditions of our nation, community and family, but we don’t talk enough about the heartbreak of leaving our pets. The emotional impact can be immeasurable, especially when it is complicated by social judgments from friends and family. Some women discussed the judgements they faced to put their pets at risk on just a 10-hour trip. Others explained their decision to have left their pet behind.

The weight of love and the shadow of guilt

One of the central themes of these stories, as these women have described, is the duality of feeling comfortable and connected to the home and the guilt when your pet is left behind. These encounters made me more reflective of my relationship with my dog. I believe that Panro is always by my side and that the fact that we have never left has helped us deal with his passing in 2021. It was painful, but I knew I did my best in every moment shared with him.

But now 15 years old, Lisa has been by my side almost every day for the past four years, and when I remember the years we were away, I still have a feeling of unpleasantness.
Similarly, some of the stories I have heard discuss the weight of hidden grief and guilt, even when we are doing our best. Others emphasize the importance of pets as attachment numbers that provide comfort and stability when needed. These stories serve as reminders of the profound impact that pets have on people’s lives during transition periods when their sense of belonging is being challenged. As one woman explained, it helps you put your pet on your side when everything around is very new and uncertain. At the same time, these stories help us reflect on how important it is to provide care to those who have had to leave their pets behind.