Myths linking sexual abuse and LGBTQ identity

A while ago I read a famous book nightwritten by Nobel Prize winner Elie Wiesel. The contents of night Not for the faint of heart (this is a personal story of Wiesel, who was in the Nazis) concentration A powerfully written and unforgettable story about attending camp as a youth in the 1940s.

This story had a deep impact on me, but there was one part of the book that bothered me. In describing one of his German camps leaderWiesel wrote of his love for children: “Actually, this love was not complete.” altruistic;I later learned that there was indeed some homosexual children coming and going here. ”

Although it is an important book, Wiesel’s observations about “homosexuals” are etched into the consciousness of those who read it, including the students who are required to read it in high schools across the country.

This is an example of subconscious mind Beliefs about LGBTQ people and the false association between being homosexual and sexual deviance. He did not call men who abuse children pedophiles, he called them “homosexuals.”

I have had many conversations with parents who associate their child with a male perpetrator. childhood sexual abuse Along with being gay. Once, while attending a support group for LGBTQ parents, a parent told me that when her high school son came out, he told her to be careful of pedophiles. I asked her if she had talked to her son about being aware of pedophiles the week before she found out he was gay, and she said no. It wasn’t until she realized her son was gay that she began to think about his abuse by a pedophile.

Sadly, we live in a world where sexual abuse happens. It is important for us parents and guardians to keep a close eye on our children’s lives. It is also important to name the subconscious association that some families still have with homosexuality, sex, and sexual deviance, and how this association begins when parents teach their children It can prevent you from having open and honest conversations with others.

In the 2017 study, “Sexual Victimization by Women: Federal Data Reveals Alarming Prevalence,” researchers examined statistics on sexual abuse by women. This report discusses the prevalence of female sexual assault and shows that systematic research was not conducted until the 1990s.

One study from the U.S. Census Bureau’s National Epidemiological Survey alcohol and Related Conditions (NESARC), among the 43,000 adults sampled, there was little difference in self-reported sexual perpetrator gender. “Of those who said they had ever forced someone to have sex against their will, 43.6% were women and 56.4% were men, the study said.

This in no way minimizes the prevalence of male sexual abuse. But it reveals how we stereotype sexual abuse. The study’s researchers also referenced a 2013 survey of 1,058 young men and women between the ages of 14 and 21 who self-reported sexual victimization. The results showed that:

“Ninety-eight percent of perpetrators who committed their first offense under the age of 15 were male, but by the age of 18 to 19 there were almost no gender differences in self-reported assault.Self-reported assault of attempted or completed rape 48% of them were women.

inside trauma– During the intensive training, one of the male participants in our group told us that he had been sexually abused by seven different people during his childhood. He also said six of the seven perpetrators were women. He said he didn’t tell anyone for a long time. he said: shame I felt that being abused by a woman was something I could never understand, much less expect anyone else to understand. ”

How many people thought his abusers were only men? I also thought about how most of us never questioned his opinion. sexual orientation (Heterosexuality) is the result of sexual abuse, which is often an assumption about homosexual men.

Sexual orientation is not determined by abuse.

The idea that sexual orientation stems from experiences of sexual abuse is wrong. Making this distinction and changing societal perceptions of what it means to be LGBTQ could encourage more young people to speak out about abuse. Many men are abused by other men. fear They report abuse because they don’t want people to think they’re gay. remove shame Both being free from abuse and being LGBTQ can help survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

Many clients I work with have at one time wondered if sexual abuse had something to do with their lives. sexuality. In fact, this is something I also wondered once during my coming out journey. It wasn’t until I began consciously doing the inner work that I was able to uncover and challenge the false beliefs I had about my sexuality.

Recently, a new client told me that she had been abused as a child. He said he always thought he became gay because of the abuse. When he told me this, I replied: “What happened to you is not your fault and you did not cause it. Before you were abused, before you thought someone was taking advantage of you, you thought you were gay. “Maybe they sensed your vulnerability and knew you wouldn’t tell anyone.” It was like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he began to sob. Ta.

I started thinking about other kids who know they’re LGBTQ but don’t know how to talk about it. How they feel different or that something is wrong with them. Children who feel guilty or feel that there is something wrong with them often isolate themselves and withdraw.

during an episode of oprah winfrey show Years ago, I saw Oprah interview four convicted child sex offenders. She wanted to understand why pedophiles do what they do, and discovered that they “deliberately and systematically seek out vulnerable children.”

When I hear stories of sexual abuse, sex Although there are differences, heterosexuality and abuse are not often confused. But when there is a story about a man who abused a young boy, we automatically associate it with the offender’s sexuality. His sexuality is seen alongside abuse.

For example, when I spoke to many parents before I started writing the book, they said, Developing LGBTQ alliesthe mother I spoke to asked me to specifically discuss “child abuse and homosexuality.” Although she says she thinks it’s a myth, “people are making connections between the two. From Michael Jackson to Catholic priests, this is a big topic.”

This is a very sensitive issue and not easy to deal with. Changing the narrative for future generations of LGBTQ youth means moving beyond difficult conversations about long-held false beliefs. It takes courage to do so. You also need the ability to tolerate discomfort in order to heal.

When conducting any type of research, it is important to pay attention to the topic. Four out of five conversations I have about false beliefs about LGBTQ people involve some type of sexual deviance, which makes more conversations necessary.

By talking about shame, we are bringing darkness to light. Having uncomfortable conversations with your children at a young age does not put them at risk. Instead, do the opposite. It protects them from danger.