I inherited my grandmother and mother’s nervous system

My grandmother was born in 1939 on the brink of World War II, when Korea was still occupied by Japan. She grew up on fighter planes flying overhead in rural South Korea without running water or electricity. she Childhood Characterized by war, colonialism, and constants fear. Concepts likeIdentity“And “attribution” was alien to her.

At just 19 years old, she married my grandfather. Soon she gave birth to her first child, thankfully, a son. Next came my mother. In my grandmother’s womb, as my mother grew, the first traces of me and my DNA began to form.

My grandmother was our patriarch. My grandfather was Alcohol addictionand my grandmother did a strange job and raised six children with the help of my stepdaughter and my eldest daughter. The family ultimately saved enough money to move to Seoul for more opportunities for the kids.

My mother was left in a country house as someone had to take care of my great grandparents. My mother lived in a house without electricity or plumbing. Her chores consisted of chopping fires to heat Ondor’s floor in the winter, helping her grandmother cook and caring for her sister, who went back and forth between schools every day.

My mother and grandmother’s nervous system was adapted to the endless tensions and challenges of life at the time. They often learn to fly from one job to the next, to fulfill their duties to the family, to suppress family needs first, to suppress negative feelings like sadness, and to ignore abandonment. They lived in a patriarchal world. There, women’s submission was not just a norm, but was necessary for survival. They learned to freeze and fawn when men step over them boundary. They learned to avoid conflict and maintain peace to survive. All of these traumatic reactions were passed down to me even before I was born.

Mark Wallin’s bestseller book It didn’t start with youhe writes:

Trauma’s memories are engraved on the sperm and egg cells of parents and grandparents. Trauma’s emotions and sensations – especially stress Response, method gene Express – Can be given to children and grandchildren, and can affect them in a similar way, even if you are not experiencing trauma personally. As a result, we can be born in a changed brain that is ready to deal with biologically trauma It’s similar to what our parents and grandparents experienced

I always feel like I’m in sync with my maternal grandmother Nervous system. For me, she was always a safe home, calming her presence and my stability. My grandmother is also easily impatient and easy boredom– Something I’ve always resonated with. These days, she spends most of her days on the couch, not mobile, but even so, she ventures to the senior center every day to allow her to play cards with friends.

My mother is Workaholic. She is the producer of our family and feels like she has spent most of her life working. She acts like it can’t wait for her to emphasize and retire. But the truth is, she will be lost without work. This is something her nervous system is used to. Useful for fly. She is an ideal Christian, obedient wife. That’s what her body knows. I’m a workaholic and please people from my mother. She taught me this is how to survive in this world.

Except for now I’m old, I want to do something different. I don’t want to continue living in this stress-response cycle. There’s no need to continue flying. I don’t want this for myself, and I don’t want it for my future children.

I was on the go, productive and used to having millions of things, so I didn’t know there were other ways of living. It is possible to keep things slow and in a calm, calm tranquility. I don’t want to idealize this mode of flight that is extremely rewarding in this capitalist world. I want to be okay with nothing. I want to rest when I need it, and say “no” when I want to.

And recently I’ve been working on being friends with my nervous system. I am thank you For my body to keep me safe throughout all these years. Now I’m working with my body, using experiences to build more capacity for sometimes uncomfortable sensations that my reflexes are to ignore. Instead of running away to the next task to avoid feeling useless, I learned to sit in discomfort.

I am saddened for my younger self, my mother and grandmother. shame It’s said it’s useless. I allow myself to feel all the heavy emotions – including sadness anger. Once I have these feelings passed through me, I’ll complete the cycle. There’s no need to run anymore. I feel like I’m rewiring not only in my brain, but in my heart and soul.