How to provide emotional validation (and how not to do it)

What should I say to a friend who is experiencing difficult times?

We conducted a study with 148 participants to find out what people would like to hear from friends and loved ones as they were spending their period of struggle. The results show that it is very common to want to examine one’s emotions. Approximately 45% of respondents said they wanted emotional validation when explaining a tough situation. Approximately 35% of respondents say they give it when their friends explain a tough situation.

But how do you do that? Now, where should we start? do not have do.

how do not have Examining someone’s feelings

You’ve probably heard it Gas lightmanipulative tactics that often cause psychological distress to raise others question their senses and sanity. For example, if someone is constantly saying that the events you obviously remember never happened, they may be gaslighting you.

But did you know that there are less perceived opposing behaviors that can cause major problems and that people sometimes do when trying to validate their emotions? As far as we know, it has no name, but Spencer Greenberg, founder of clearer thinking, coined the term “light gas.”

Essentially, Lightgas is the verification or consent of a false belief in a bid that someone is misunderstood or supplementary to someone else. Unlike the malicious intentions behind gaslights, light gas is often well-intentioned and therefore Unintentional Harmful and tactics from friends and supporters.

Here are some examples of general statements that can be counted as light gas if not justified.

• Justification: “It was reasonable for you to do X because other people felt sick.” (Although X was really harmful.)
• Abuse: “You did nothing wrong. It was entirely the fault of others.” (Although the responsibility was actually divided between the parties.)
• Emotional reasoning: “You’re mad at them, so they obviously did something wrong” (may not be justified, though. anger. )

Ideally, when the person who cares is upset, you should validate their feelings and help them feel heard and understood, but do so None I agree to a statement that you know that you are false or rely on bad reasoning.

Find the balance

The challenge is to find a way to verify it Feelings and True belief Without verifying False beliefsWhile I’m still listening Openness And empathy. This could be a tricky operation. This may be one of the reasons why many people are seduced by Lightgas.

Of course, it may not be clear whether your friend or loved one’s beliefs are true or not. Perhaps it’s because the only thing you know about the situation is what you told you while they were upset. In such cases, it is best to start with the charity assumption that what they have explained is an accurate representation of what they have experienced (as long as we doubt why it appears).

And if you have reason to doubt the truth of their beliefs, it doesn’t always help (and often may not be useful!) Feelings When they are sad or upset. Therefore, avoiding light gas is often simply involved at first Do not verify/confident what you believe is false.

Later, when the person feels good, if they ask for your opinion on the facts (or if you feel that it’s important for them to hear your opinion), you will give them At that point you can tell us what you believe is true. This is appropriate given their relationship.

how In Examining someone’s feelings

We talked about what you should avoid when you’re emotionally validating someone. But it raises an obvious question: how can it work?

The main differences between healthy verification and unhealthy versions of emotions are the healthy versions of genuine compassion, compassion, Reliabilityhonesty and interest in the experiences of others. On the other hand, the unhealthy version includes the willingness to sacrifice those things to make others feel better soon.

On a more detailed level, I like the following framework for healthy examining other people’s emotions:

Healthy emotional validation includes:

1. care: Care for those who have the emotions you are verifying.
2. A willingness: That they are totally okay as they are feeling those feelings in front of you now.
3. accept: They don’t think of them badly, feeling what they are feeling.
4. interest: I’d like to know more about what they feel and why they feel it.
5. Compassion: You want them to be considerate and empathize with their unwanted suffering and not to experience more unwanted suffering (sometimes keep people in mind want To experience painful emotions for a period of time, such as after a significant loss, as if such feelings were found appropriate.
6. Understanding the Facts: Understand the fact of what happened in the relevant situation (and ask open-ended questions to understand if you don’t).
7. Understanding emotions: Understand why they feel this way (and if you don’t, try to understand it).
8. Justification of emotions: I see the combination of beliefs about situations, their situations, their thoughts, and past experiences as perfectly reasonable to make them feel this way now (and if they don’t, their experiences are (We strive to understand why these feelings have led to them).

Some of this helps to say it out loud when a friend or loved one is upset, but many of it is usually expressed Body Language, Noteattitude, presence, tone of voice, etc. The main thing is that the ideas are expressed in the way that others receive them, whether oral, nonverbal, explicit or implicit.

In summary, when people are hurt, they often want emotional validation. When giving it, avoid the light gas of others and enter into the conversation as much as possible with genuine compassion, compassion, credibility, integrity and interest in the experiences of others. Don’t sacrifice these things just to temporarily improve others’ moods.

This article was originally published on ClearerThinking.org.