How to maintain friendship once you stop going to the bar

If you’re making the drinking scene bigger, but your friends aren’t doing that, this is for you.

“I want to be friends…but I don’t want to go to the bar.”

This is one of the common struggles that Exdlinker faces when he decides to leave alcohol behind. How do you respect your path without losing someone you care about? That’s what we’re trying to cover in this blog.

When you stop drinking, but still need connection

I would like to give you a quick tale about the impressive “no” that taught me it’s okay to reset my expectations before I reach the practical part.

Growing up, my whole family spent the Spring Festival at Aunt Xu’s house. She made the best festival dishes and her home was always perfectly decorated. As far as I can remember, it was a family tradition.

Then, when Aunt Xu turned 50, she surprised everyone. Three months before the holidays, she sent a message to the whole family.

“I’ve loved hosting everyone in the past, but I’d like to prioritize more quality time with my family on vacation. I’d like to take a break from hosting, but bring everyone’s favorite steamed fish.”

Of course, people were surprised. But what stayed with me was no surprise. That was the respect I felt. She was the first woman to show me that we were allowed to say no to something, even if she had always said yes in the past. We stop drinking, but the same applies when we still want connections.

Redefining connections: Say no to a bar without saying no to a friend

Respecting your new path without losing people you care about is essentially saying no to old expectations. It’s easy to confuse the activities we do with someone because of the relationship itself. They are very intertwined, we sometimes forget that rejecting old activities is not the same as rejecting a person. Only when you separate your activities from the relationship can you find courage and compassion to communicate new needs. And all you need is the right tools.

A three-part formula to lower the bar that is elegantly invited

In my other posts, I walked 7 ways to say “no” in seven elegant ways to say no to a drink without saying “no”. The same skill can also be applied to denying invitations to the bar.

However, I think the most effective way to gracefully reject drinking-related invitations is to combine these three important components.

1. Verify invitations and/or relationships.
2. Set new expectations with the software number.
3. Please provide an alternative: “I can’t do this, but I want to do it…”

This is the exact formula Aunt Xu used when she gently refuses to continue hosting her family on vacation.

• Verify invitations and relationships. “I’ve loved hosting everyone in the past.”
• Set new expectations with soft no. “However, I would like to prioritize more quality time with my family during the holidays.”
• Provide an alternative: “I’ll take a break from hosting, but I want to bring everyone’s favorite steamed fish.”

To apply the same formula to refuse drinking invitations would be:

“I’ve had a lot of fun drinking together in the past, but I would like to move forward and spend more time on non-drink related activities. I’ll take a break from bars and events where there are too much alcohol, but I’d like to quickly spend some time together on hiking, picnics or quiet hangouts.

Example: An unexpected power of your “no”

Many people don’t understand that having courage and skill that doesn’t say gracefully is their own form leadership. Like my aunt’s “no” years ago, it planted me someday permission to do the same.

I am amazed at how often people told me my decision to say no to something encouraged them to do the same in their lives. This happens more frequently than you think, especially in drinking-related activities.

In a culture where alcohol is praised, many people feel quietly pressured to “drink like everyone else.”

By giving yourself permission to say no, you unconsciously give others permission to do the same. That’s what makes you a real role model.

They say “no” for a thriving, alcohol-free lifestyle

With calm curiosity, I believe that to truly free yourself from alcohol holds and build a thriving, alcohol-free life takes away more than simply “stop drinking.” Creating a sustainable drinking system requires four pillars.

• Pillar 1 – Value: Your reasons behind choosing to drink
• Pillar 2 – Belief: The story you told about alcohol and yourself
• Pillar 3 – Action: Break drinking patterns and replace alcohol with a stronger option
• Pillar 4 – Results: Accepting a perfect journey – both victory and set

Saying Grace and No is an important skill that belongs to the pillar of action and supports the pillar of value. It asks us to develop the ability to say no and reset expectations. Like other new skills, we may feel uncomfortable at first, but over time we get better.

Only when we learn to turn down things that are no longer in line with the life we want can we create people, experiences, values, true fulfillment and meaning that bring us true satisfaction and meaning. Check me out if you want to find out more about this 7 elegant ways to say no to a drink script.