How can you help your child feel safe during difficult times?

We are all familiar with what are called “triggers”. However, we prefer the term “activator” to express the same concept: that there is something within us that causes a strong negative emotional response. In most cases, people try to avoid activators. This is because activators bring back painful memories that we want to avoid and sometimes need to protect ourselves from.

Life’s challenges are many as you and your children grow up. This is natural and inevitable, and it can be very difficult. These difficult experiences can leave emotional traces called “emotional debris.” These are activated when something reminds us of a trial we have experienced in the past. Although difficult, these situations can also help us find mastery within ourselves that we were not aware of. This also applies to your child.

We have discovered that there is an antidote to the painful parts of the situations we face. First and foremost is love and connection. It’s about feeling unconditionally loved and not emotionally alone even in the midst of hardship. There are other ways to calm the nervous system and relieve shock.

One strategy I’d like to share here is flickering. We often keep our activators on alert in such a way that we always feel like something bad is about to happen. Also, we humans are wired to remember negative things more than positive things. But what if we helped ourselves and our children realize that? flickering-A moment or even a few seconds of joy or beauty aweIs the safety and comfort found in people and nature occurring similarly? These may be very small things. For a young child, that might be the moment when their favorite stuffed animal comes out of the laundry and doesn’t look or feel that different after all. For older kids, that might mean being able to play a game they love but rarely make time for; teenageryou might even snag concert tickets. If you slowly realize, flickering It may be full of beautiful winter trees and chirping birds.

We’re all busy physically and mentally, so it takes a real effort to stop for even 30 minutes and look around for something that will give you a moment to take a break from your painful emotions. . We believe it’s well worth making this a part of your everyday, modeling it and calling it out to your child, both in good times and in bad times. That would be recognizing the “and also” that we wrote in the article. Previous blog posts.

When faced with life’s challenges, we experience a range of emotions, but most of the time we find them difficult. But if you stop and look within yourself, you may be able to find comfort in your sadness. angeror fear There are some too. The more space we have, the more flickering The more secure you feel, the stronger you and your child will be and the more energized you will be able to face challenges.

A simple example of this is what happened to Alberta and Daniel’s father, Alberta and his 10-year-old son, Daniel. divorced. Too many changes, many of which they didn’t want, changed their lives forever. Daniel and his mother both felt sad, angry, confused, and isolated.

When we spoke with Alberta, we introduced her as follows: flickering I then asked him if he could remember anything that happened that day. At first, everything that came to mind was unrelentingly dark. Then she remembered that her favorite peppermint tea was finally in the store, and actually smiled to herself as she sipped it while she worked. To Daniel, we to him, sparkling On the spot. Looking around, Daniel noticed a very “cool” plant with leaves that looked like the ears of his favorite animal, an elephant. He had never noticed it before.

If you and your child notice flickering On good days, on difficult days, and even in difficult times, you can find a way to feel hopeful. If you can feel rested for even 30 minutes, you may feel more at ease for a long time. It is a truth of life that difficulties are inevitable. The question is not whether we experience them, but how we react to them. flickering Please help us become stronger.