Grief with the parents you used to (and the children they had)

At some point after your child turns 18, Child-raising It evaporates just by manuals (assuming there is one in the first place).

There are no more report cards. There is no bedtime. There are no carpools or permit slips. Suddenly, you’re making your own decisions, eating ice cream for dinner, raising legal adults who may or may not call.

And it’s probably jarring.

Of course, you are still their parents. But role? It’s completely different now. And if you feel a bit lost, you can understand. You may be saddened by the parents you used to be.

Something is changing (and you can feel it)

For years, you have been a reliable person. Before we expressed them, you were expecting our needs. You know we get hangry so if we packed snacks, give advice, schedule, double check.

Now we are thinking about our own life. Sometimes it means pulling a little away.

You might offer help and get a vague “I have it.”

Ask questions and get one word answer.

You may be worried (a lot) and don’t know where to put those feelings.

And it is easy to interpret this distance as a rejection. But most of the time, that’s not the case at all.

It’s a transition.

We are sad too

As young adults, we are also trying to understand new roles.

Even if we didn’t say it, we will miss you and we need you. And sometimes we push you away. Because we try our best to stand on our feet. We are learning to trust ourselves, and that often means that someone experiments, ruins and finds a way without solving it for us (even if it was easier to have someone fix all of our problems).

That doesn’t mean we don’t love you. That means we are growing. You raised us to be independent and this is how it looks.

But just because we are independent doesn’t mean we don’t want to return to being children.

I miss the day when I didn’t have to decide what to eat every night. I miss having an internal problem solver (that’s you, dad!). I miss the family dinner every night and how to climb into my parents’ bed if I have nightmares. Every day I lament my loss Childhood And the innocence and simplicity that comes with it. But that sorrow I’m not so proud of me how I’m an adult.

A new kind of relationship

It is completely natural to you to sadden the proximity we had. You may miss out on being in charge of daily logistics and having the sense of being essential. You have been at the heart of our universe for a long time. It doesn’t go away just one night.

But if you let it do, something new can take shape.

You don’t need to raise your children the same way anymore. But we still need you. But… not.

Not as a fixer, but as a sounding board.

Not as a hero, but as a trustworthy figure.

Not as a person in charge, but as someone who looks at us, supports us, and still appears, without taking over.

You’re not wrong

If you’re feeling unstable now, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

That means you care. That means you’re adapting. That means you are human.

And as we grow into adulthood, you are growing into this new chapter of parenting.

It’s okay to grieve your once essential version.

It’s also okay to be interested in who you are now.

Because the relationship isn’t over. It’s evolving.