Five ways to control without noticing

Laura Young’s so -called ADHD Anthem “messy” has a little time. However, its theme -control in a toxic relationship is as old as time. Through history, the relationship has been shaped by power and control.

Take Einstein. You know him for E = Mc². He is not very famous for his strict “behavioral rules” that he laid out for his first wife, Mileva Maric. There was no these guidelines Teamwork-The they ordered: “You offer me three meals in my room … I will stop talking to me if I demand it … I ask me I go out of the room immediately. “

Gandhi, who is respected as a peaceful icon, is said to have a very unpleasant view of women and control his wife Castolba.

Tolstoy, the author of the author War and peaceIt is explained by a legendary writer to dominate his wife. In the preface to the book letter He is written by his wife and is said to be “bad and compassionate husband … monster.”

Charles Dickens, loved Christmas carolTo gain weight after pregnancy, he humiliated his wife, and then tried to institutionalization of their facilities. marriage It was broken.

Does it mean a girl? Women can also control

Control is not limited to men. History and literature are full of stories that women are empowering human relationships: Delilla Cutting Samson’s hair, Mrs. Macbeth, pushed her husband to murder, and Anne Borein persuaded Henry VIII and invalidated her first marriage.

These accounts may be filtered via male -dominated lenses, but there are many latest examples. Controls in relation are not just relics of the past.

Let’s think about Rebecca Gray, who met her boyfriend Date App in 2024. She said he had a terminal cancer and deceived him from thousands of pounds. Then there is Sherry Spencer. He expose his husband to 20 years before he entered the prison. Alternatively, Salarigby controls all aspects of his partner’s life, including access to the toilet. She initially denied the accusation, but later found guilty and was convicted last year.

Are you controlled?

Obviously, these are extreme examples. But control and abuse in human relationships are much more common than you think-estimate It suggests that 1.4 million women in the UK and 750,000 men have experienced some form of abuse in the year ending in March 2023.

Them study Forced control points out that it often feels like love. It is a small, difficult to find, often fake care and concerns, so it can be mistaken for love. It usually occurs in a relationship that is not necessarily “bad”.

Few people do the extreme things as above, but there are five subtle signs to note here.

1. Big or “joke” about delicate topics

Will you or your partner “harmless” about the other person’s weight, or IntelligenceEspecially in front of others? Even if you use a frame as a “joke”, this can hurt you. Confidence And it erodes trust. Will your partner neglect your success or minimize your achievements? The big thing is one thing because it’s playful. The ironic, mocking, or neglect is completely different.

2. Communication monitoring

It may seem like a concern, always seeing your message, checking your call history, or asking you to ask a question to the person you are talking about. distrust。 A healthy relationship is built based on mutual respect. boundary。 Your partner has the right to express what your actions feel, but they do not have the right to control your decision or privacy.

3. Excessive “check -in”

It is normal to check in with a partner, but a certain text to track your whereabouts feels more monitored than care. If your partner is upset, sulky, delayed, or if you have a “meltdown” when you don’t respond immediately, that’s a sign of concern.

More in general, when a partner reacts consistently to the emotional collapse–panic Attack, cry, or withdrawal -it can also be a control. In a healthy relationship, both partners need to be responsible for their emotions. If all opinions are a dramatic collapse, you stop raising your needs and concerns and start your toes around the problem. fear The reaction.

4. use Feeling of guilt And operation

Do your partner remind you of spending time with your family and friends, do you argue that they are “bad influence” or do you ignore the relationship? ? Controls often take the form of emotional operations, including phrases such as “I’m just looking for you” or “If you love me, you will do so.” 。 Such pressure can lead to unpleasant decisions and sacrifice.

5. Make all decisions

If you decide where to eat, what to look at, and how to spend money, it will leave others who feel their taste is not important. If your partner claims to manage money or ask questions for all purchases, it’s not a “budget formation.” That is the control. Similarly, if one partner intentionally withheld Sex In order to operate or punish others, sex has become a negotiation chip, not the expression of connections and desires.

Do I need to stay, or should I go now?

It is important to recognize these actions early. In summary, they create an imbalance of the power to erosen your freedom. If you have experienced almost or all of these actions, consult a reliable person. Plan and leave safely as needed. Don’t wait for things to escalate.

If you recognize these actions yourself, stop immediately. Controling actions does not have a healthy relationship. Take the time to reflect and get professional help to release the need for your control as needed.

On the other hand, if these actions occasionally appear in a healthy relationship, please raise your voice. Nobody of us is perfect, and the selfish trend can sneak up in any relationship. How their actions make you feel and change from your partner. If they care about you, they will adjust. If they can’t, or not, it’s time to re -evaluate whether the relationship is right for you.