Feel deeply and act wisely | Psychology Today

every emotion It involves an “impulse to act.” The behavioral impulse appears with the emotion, but it is separate from the emotion itself.

When I was doing a dialectical act treatment (DBT) As a client, you may be surprised by your skills. This was a revolution for me: separating emotions and actions. I thought so anger and attacks were inseparable. Sobbing and sadness came at the same time. Many of my emotions came with tantrums. Does it have anything to do with that?

In my experience, emotions and behavioral impulses are closely connected. Action was the necessary and inevitable result of emotion.

Still…you can separate them.

role of emotions

If you want to work on managing overwhelming emotions, you first need to understand a little about them.

Emotions have many functions. They provide us with information. They communicate with others. And they motivate us to action. this motivation Peace is very important.

Pause for selection

No matter how we feel, we can stop and choose what we’re going to do next. This doesn’t mean you don’t feel your emotions or don’t act on them. In some cases, emotions can prompt very clever behavioral impulses depending on the situation.

However, by putting a little space between your emotions and your impulses to act, you can choose how you respond. When we act on base impulses, it’s not actually the emotions that ruin things; It’s our actions.

raise awareness

I love this lesson I learned in DBT. DBT Mindfulness The skill builds awareness to provide a short but significant pause between stimulus and response. This is one way how mindfulness of your emotions can change your life

Exercises to practice emotional awareness

Exercise 1: Identifying the impulse to act

What do you feel like doing when you feel a certain emotion?

Write a list of the emotions you are struggling with. What are the correlated behavioral impulses that get you into trouble? Be specific. for example:

• When we are hurt, we become less responsive to communication.
• When I’m sad, I ask for support through unskillful means, Note.
• when you are I’m worriedyou mentally beat yourself up and avoid the necessary tasks.
• When we are overwhelmed with love and joy, we abandon everything else in search of affection.

These are just examples, not accusations.

Exercise 2: Reflect on the emotional situation

Imagine yourself in the emotional situation you were in last year. Can you evoke emotion?

Now, step outside yourself as if you were watching a movie of that scene. Look at the scene and ask yourself:

• What was my impulse to act?
• What did I feel like doing?
• What did I do?
• What were the results?
• Were you good at it?

Look at the current scene and think about your goals in that situation. What could be more effective than the first impulse to act?

Exercise 3: Tune into your emotions and impulses

As you go about your day, set reminders on your phone to focus on:

• What emotions am I feeling?
• What is an action impulse?

This exercise will help you develop your mindfulness muscles.

Separate emotions and actions

Mindful awareness allows you to recognize your emotions and be mindful of your impulses to act while constantly remembering that they are separate. Connected but separate.

Emotions occur in response to events or other stimuli. You can’t control it. By becoming an observer of your own experiences, you increase your ability to observe your behavioral impulses and make good decisions about them.

A personal story: Forgetting learned conditioned responses.

A woman who was struggling with anger said:

“My mother taught me to throw plates when she was angry. When I was little, we would go to Goodwill and buy a dozen old china plates each. I was throwing a plate at the wall behind me. That’s when my mother got furious at me and said, “Hit it!” But I couldn’t control myself very well and when I wasn’t in the garage I was throwing things and breaking things. I remember her. spank When I threw a glass of water in the kitchen. I was about 8 years old. Her rules about when and where to express anger were very specific. I still get so angry that I have to destroy something. I don’t know how to stop it. I threw something at my husband. It’s scary how little control I have. ”

Her mother instilled in her that throwing and breaking things was the only way to experience anger. Whenever she felt angry, she became trapped in her own course of action.

She was surprised to discover that these were actually two different things. Anger is also an experience. Throwing things is different. When you feel angry, you may feel like throwing things. But it is not an inevitable result of the upset.

Dealing effectively with emotions

Marcia Linehan, founder of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, says:

“People don’t need to rehearse bad behavior. The idea that they need to vent their anger by breaking or hitting things only reinforces careless behavior. The more you rehearse a behavior, the more it It will respond automatically.”

Instead of rehearsing poor behavior, practice skillful responses.

• use. rain meditation To deal with anger.
• exercise.
• Take a timeout.
• Use strategies to calm yourself down.
• If the opposite would be more effective, do the opposite of what you want to do.

Recognize that you can replace instinctive, conditioned reactions with more skillful impulses to act.

Mindfulness is the key

However, keep in mind that depending on the situation, the urge to attack or hide can be subtle. There is a reason why we have these behavioral urges. The important thing is to be aware.

DBT offers many other skills that grow from this basic awareness. Check out this blog for more information.