Avoid these 5 common apology pitfalls

You made a mistake that negatively affected someone and you want to apologise. How can I offer the best apology?

While I was writing my book, You don’t need to forgiveI discovered that many people don’t know how to apologise.

If you want to make your apology as authentic and effective as possible, try these tips on how to avoid these five most common mistakes and prevent them.

1. No specific accountability

“Sorry for feeling that way.”

This is not an apology. It is a general statement that lacks meaning and intention. How do speakers take accountability? Nothing; they imply that their actions, or their lack, did not contribute to a person’s emotional state. They are not criticized.

“I’m sorry for hurting you.”

This is not a clear apology either. It means that the wrong thing was committed, but it does not provide details. If the person did not feel injured, were they not wrongly committed? This statement suggests that person Feelings It’s not wrong.

Imagine this scenario. You promised a friend that you would pick up the kids from school, and you didn’t. The children are left at school and your friends must hurry to pick them up. Your friends will tell you that they feel betrayed and that they don’t know if they can trust you.

To apologise, you need to identify that you are explicitly accountable. What was wrong?

Consider saying this:

“I promised to pick up your child and I failed to do so. Sorry.”

Taking accountability for certain actions or omissions will inform your friends that you are fully aware of your mistakes.

2. Distract responsibility

“Sorry, I forgot to pick you up your child, but you should have reminded me the way you did when I went to pick them up.”

This is not an apology. This is because accountability efforts are minimized by focusing on those who have been harmed rather than on criminals. If your actions or inactions are affected by someone you have been unfairly treated, it may be beneficial to let them know their involvement. However, it is not the right time to discuss this during an apology. When apologizing, focus on the mistakes you committed. Once you apologise, you can explore the contributions of others and what you need from them.

Consider what you say:

“I didn’t know how much I rely on your reminders. When I didn’t receive it this time, I forgot. Could you please remind me in the future?”

3. Make excuses and explain them

“I’m sorry, but I was busy It was pushed downthat’s why I forgot to welcome your child. I’m doing a lot and I need you to understand it. ”

This is not an apology. It’s an excuse or an attempt to explain. Taking certain accountability means there is no excuse. Please refrain from providing explanations while apologizing. If you need to explain your actions or omissions, you can do so after an apology later.

After apologizing, consider saying:

“Thank you for accepting my apology. I want you to know that I have been feeling stressed and depressed lately.

4. Not focusing on the effects of your attacks

In addition to Taking accountability also requires acknowledging the impact that you have had on what you hurt. Ask yourself, what impact did my actions and omissions have had? Put yourself in your shoes and imagine how they must have felt. Include this perspective in your apology. Additionally, explain that it had a negative impact on the relationship.

Consider saying this:

“I promised you to pick up your child and failed to do so. As a result, you had to hurry from work to school. It’s stressful This is for you, and why do you feel betrayed? I know how I destroyed your trust. ”

What if you don’t know how you affected them or how they affected their relationship? Instead of jumping to offer an apology, ask them.

Consider asking these questions:

• How has my actions (or omissions) affected you?
• So how did you feel?
• What do you think now?
• How did this have an impact on our relationship?

Telling the impact on people and relationships shows humility and empathy, which are key elements of effective apology.

5. I’m hoping for forgiveness

“You need to forgive me.”

“You have to forgive me.”

“If you forgive me, you’ll feel better.”

You can’t control whether someone will forgive you or not. This is entirely their decision. If you try to force or pressure them to forgive, it will not succeed, as a real person forgiveness It only comes after it is given freely and emotional processing has occurred. People need to feel before they can forgive, and forgiveness is unlikely to happen on criminal timelines.

Instead of hoping for forgiveness, focus on repaying. What can you do to repair a rupture of a relationship? Be careful not to make promises or commitments you cannot hold.

Consider asking:

• What do I need from me to repair our relationship?
• What do I need in the future?
• How can I gain your trust?

Avoiding these 5 common apology mistakes can improve your apology by making them more authentic and effective in supporting your relationship.