Anxiety about seeking help

Asking help means need, which means vulnerability. In many cases, conflicts arise in a relationship when one partner feels that they are qualified to predict their needs. When that doesn’t happen, they may accuse them of believing that their partners don’t care enough to be responsible for their relationship. If the first partner is told their standards are too high, they will become defensive and respond, “I don’t need to ask, you just need to know.”

In short, perfectionism is a cognitive structure that protects it from knowledge of their weaknesses. Most of the time, it helps to keep yours shame And then apart from them, a true sense of self. That’s how to pretend. And perfectionists do this by doing more and thinking less. As long as the system operates smoothly, comfort is maintained. But if you have to ask for help, it confuses it. Therefore, romantic partners are often left mysterious, wondering whether they should know better. Couple’s Treatmentfor example, they often learn a few things about perfectionists. Below are some of the reasons for this.

1. The change of anger

Because of excessive pride, Perfectionist I hate having to need someone. When someone else is helping them without asking them, they can dismiss help as “everyone is doing their job.” But when they have to ask for it, it feels as if they’re not making theirs appropriate. Perfectionists tell them the shame of their limits. Asking for help emphasizes that you cannot complete the task yourself. However, since shame and self-direction anger They tend to feel unbearable and project it outwards. The unspoken idea here is, “It’s not that I feel embarrassed about feeling weak.

2. The standard of masculinity

Men tend to struggle to seek help because they believe that “real men” don’t need to do so. Some perfectionists have a strict belief in masculinity as they wrestle black and white thinking. Asking for help is considered inferior and again weak quality. “If I’m really capable, I should be able to do it myself.” At their more calm moment, they might say something like this: The meaning is that it is their partner’s job to isolate them from their sense of helplessness.

3. The fear of abandonment

Perfectionists often believe that others hold themselves to the standard they hold, so anger towards their partner is a way to restrain them anxiety It was perceived as weak and therefore abandoned. The unspoken idea is, “It’s you who’s fighting again, not the weak.”

Having to seek help can feel a sense of threat, so some perfectionists respond to anger and push the threat away by trying to make sure their partner reads their mind for similar cases in the future. If they could, perfectionists could maintain an internal image of power. (In a work setting, perfectionists may believe that they are perceived as incompetent and fired.)

4. The fear of rejection

Perfectionists tend to dislike taking risks related to them Self-image. Another threat to self-image is the possibility of being told no. For perfectionists, it’s not that they’re told that there’s no chance that others don’t actually care about them and think they’re not worthy of their time. Implicit ideas are often: “They think I’m weak, so they don’t care about me.”

Rejection brings deeper meaning about the state of the relationship. It’s not that no is merely no. It often means more about that individual’s perspective.

5. Loss of power

For some, seeking help means a loss of independence or influence. This anxiety is related to pride, but it also has practical implications. The implicit idea here is, “If you need them now, what do you borrow later?” Perfectionists prefer a debt-free life, and needing others comes with responsibility towards them. Perfectionists therefore tended to feel threatened when they received assistance, and were worried about the potential favors they had to return, or even the privileges they would lose.

The importance of seeking help

Asking and receiving help is an important part of a healthy relationship. On the one hand, we create trust through reliability. On the other hand, it promotes a sense of importance to both parties, such as helpers and recipients. We feel important to each other, so we are approaching. Sturdy individualism suppresses communication and prolongs conflict. If your partner really refuses to help you in most cases, that’s one thing. It’s another thing when you are chronically afraid to seek their help. For couple therapy to be meaningful, perfectionists need to confront their beliefs about what happens when they need help.