Stop comparing yourself to others

Using others as a measuring stick to value your own value is widely embedded in our highly competitive culture. This process starts quite early Childhood When students are stratified based on academic merit. The growing popularity of youth sports has further strengthened this process as children compete with each other to create the sports teams they want.

It is perfectly understandable to compare yourself to your peers and determine your status in different aspects of life. You may look at someone’s home or car and assess how financially you are, compared to them. If you’re in academia or medicine, you can look into someone’s publications and credentials to measure how professional achievements have stacked up. Even as a parent, you may compare yourself to other parents based on how your child behaves in public and how they perform in school.

The rise of Social Media This process has been enhanced. With finger scrolls, you can engage in an infinite flow of social comparisons in all aspects of life. Our youth are particularly vulnerable to the effects of social media. Because they care deeply about how their peers are perceived.

There is no problem in exploring ways to assess performance. Collecting objective data allows you to monitor progress towards your desired goal. The problem is that you use an inaccurate measurement system. When you compare yourself to others, you have unique cognitive errors.

First of all, research shows that in some way we compare ourselves to those who are visible ahead of us, forgetting the public in worse predicament. Such a vertical comparison can cause feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, which poses a threat to you Self-esteem And the overall mood (1).

Furthermore, social comparisons are based on appearance. You compare your true, troublesome life with someone else’s life It will be displayed Having more of what you want. For example, when someone drives in a luxury car, you might assume they are in a better financial position. But how can you be sure that this is true? What if they are having a hard time withdrawing a significant amount of debt to lease the car and making monthly payments?

Furthermore, the focus is too narrow, so social comparisons are inaccurate. They focus on myopia in the part of your life that you feel behind. But they ignore the other areas you are ahead of you. As a result, they do not offer a complete picture of your overall status in life.

As an example, I worked with people who felt embarrassed raising a family in an apartment. He spent his free time searching for a home and was envious of his friend, a homeowner.

During my work together, I asked this individual to take a step back and get a more complete view of his life. Despite living in a nearby district, he was happily married and enjoyed a strong bond with his children. Have you ever thought about the possibility that his friend who owned the house might not have enjoyed the same type of bond as his spouse or children behind a closed room?

Finally, social comparisons are constantly moving targets, so they will not be satisfied for a long time. After achieving your goal, it’s only a matter of time before you compare yourself to the new people that will somehow appear before you.

When I was a broken medical student, I compared myself to other broken classmates who were aiming to become a doctor. As attendees, the target moves to include other attendees and successful experts.

Even billionaires compare themselves to other billionaires. In the words of Gary Steingald, who interviewed a billionaire for his novel Lake success:

“There were people here who could buy what they could hope for, their wealth was broadly enriched, they were not satisfied. At the end of the day, I was pleased to finish this study. (2)

If you feel sick after comparing yourself to others, don’t despair. Below are five tips to help you avoid the traps of social comparisons:

1. Focus on personal growth

Success is not a zero-sum game. Everyone is climbing another mountain. Someone is achieving them the goal That doesn’t mean you can’t achieve your goals. Your success may look different to what you originally envisioned. Be flexible and embrace the ambiguity of your journey.

2. Please be interested

Adopting a curiosity mindset can help you save your feelings envy And when comparing yourself to others, it’s not enough. Once someone achieves the goal you want, study their success. It leaves clues to help you achieve your own personal goals.

3. Set boundaries on social media

Social media is a field that amplifies social comparisons. Be sure to set it boundary So.

As a personal example, I find it difficult to set boundaries on social media when my phone is above me, even if it is silent. As a result, when I go home from work, I leave it in mud. This action creates a physical boundary between me and my phone.

4. Please be careful

Our hearts are master storytellers. Be aware of the stories you say to yourself when comparing yourself to others and the feelings you feel after telling them such stories to you. Mindfulness It helps to stop this process on that track.

5. Give yourself grace

It is difficult to let go of old habits, especially when they are widely popular in society. Give me when you fall into the trap of social comparisons and make it exist to yourself and your loved ones.