Balancing truth-telling and diplomacy | Today’s psychology

in Recent episodes of the Hard Skills PodcastI’ve digged into a double binding familiar to many female leaders navigating the workplace. Politics Dynamics: There is a risk of speaking up and branding it as “too aggressive.” There’s a risk of back down and being labeled “too soft.” As leaders, we are expected to speak out, be open and authentic, but as women’s leaders, we often feel the pressure to be relational and diplomatic, so we don’t come out as “annihilation” or “blackmail.”

The good news is that telling the truth and balancing diplomacy is an essential “soft” skill for all leaders. leadership Gravitas, skilled communication, and shift expectations.

Challenge: Truth versus diplomacy

My early stage CareerI was primarily a true person: honest and direct, but without understanding the impact of my words and empathy, I never understood the empathy needed to understand how my words affect others. And yes, that meant I had some failed moments with some ignorance.

Later, when I developed my leadership skills with the help of a great mentor, I became an incredibly diplomatic leader and knew how to soften things, and took a light step without saying much.

However, when I matured my leadership skills, I realized that those powerful diplomatic skills also had costs. Over time, I have helped people lose sight of the need to get along and challenge unhealthy dynamics to ease others.

Instead, I realized it:

• Diplomacy can smooth out issues that should probably not be glossy.
• It’s still good to confuse unhealthy patterns.
• It’s important to set up a boundary When people use it.
• It is absolutely necessary to point out when the harm is being done, and to do it very directly and clearly without writing words.

This is especially important in two contrasting situations on the team.

1. Some teams exhibit openly unhealthy behavior, such as constant chatter after meetings, blaming others without personal responsibility, steaming discussions, or monopolizing conversations to promote personal agendas.
2. Other teams show more subtle and insidious issues, making it difficult to identify underlying complaints. Author of Patrick Rencioni Five impairments in the teamThis is called “artificial harmony.” Healthy discussion and disagreement are suppressed Passive attack Action and diplomacy, everything to avoid difficult conversations.

In both roles as a team member of various professional abilities and as a team development consultant, I have learned the importance of identifying avoidance behaviors such as resistance, unhealthy interactions, resistance, control, and excessive risk mitigation. decision making delay.

In an ideal situation, we balance both integrity and care. It’s easy to get away with what you have to say. nevertheless, Telling dull truths regardless of the trust erodes trust– You may land, but it will damage the relationship.

So, Eliminating harsh truths can backfire quickly, but you can also ignore the cost of not saying things.

Skills needed to balance truth-telling and diplomacy

To hear and receive concerns, you need the following skills:

• Self-awareness
• Clear your values the goal For discussion
• The courage to tell the truth to power
• Feeling discomfort or ability to sit
• Learn to identify better timing and settings to speak up
• strong Emotional regulation

These are not easy to develop. However, the stronger these skills, the more impact they can have. This shows how many others have helped them do the same thing as improving their truth in diplomacy:

• If you notice consistent and unhealthy behavior, speak up or quit your professional situation.
• Instead of protecting your concerns, especially when it affects many people, make sure you clearly express the problems you are seeing and possible solutions.
• Support those who care in a way that balances care with integrity.

It is a superpower to be able to identify avoidance behaviors such as implicit tension, unhealthy interactions, resistance, control, and excessive risk reduction (such as micromanagement, delayed decision-making). These behaviors often stem from real fears about safety, security, change and uncertainty. Unless you name them in a way that allows you to hear these issues, you can’t help resetting your reactive patterns.

Skill development

How can I develop or further strengthen these skills? Here are a few ways:

1. Please lead intentionally Feelings

Ask yourself: What results do you want from sharing this? Communication is more intentional when the goal is to improve, clarity, or repair the relationship (as well as ventilate).

2. Separate the truth from judgment

Stick to facts, observations, and influences. We exchanged “I missed two major deadlines last month, which affected my client’s relationship” and “unreliable.”

3. Frame with respect

Diplomacy does not mean mitigating reality. That means Framing it in a way that others can receive. Here are some powerful statement starters:

• “I want to share something that may be hard to hear, but I think it’s important for both of us to grow.”
• “I want to be honest with you because I care about our working relationships.”
• “I sat in something I thought was important on the surface.”
• “I’m aware of the disconnection I want to understand more.”
• “Can you provide a perspective that may be offensive but useful?”

4. Use empathy as a bridge

Acknowledges the perspective or potential response of others. “I think this can be frustrating to hear. I was there too.”

5. Practice clearly

I look back at what you see. In a way that makes you feel embarrassed and reveals curiosity and involves, “Here is the pattern I noticed.

Remember, this is not about offering sophisticated speech, it’s about it Putting the truth in a conversation, It’s not a conflict.

In a world where women often want to choose between goodness and authority, this hard skill offers a third path. Carefully permeated clarity. Diplomacy without truth can hide dysfunction. And unfortunately, female leaders are often socialized to maintain harmony and avoid directness. This allows for sustained dynamics in unhealthy teams. But telling the truth doesn’t have to burn the bridge. When it is based on empathy, purpose, and skilled framing, balancing truth can help strengthen trust. All leaders benefit from this skill.