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How parenting affects love and how it heals



child parentified psychology emamzadeh

Published in Family relationships,recently study Tolmacz et al. I found it Child-raising was associated with low Reliabilitylow need satisfaction, high pathological concerns, and qualifications for unhealthy relationships Romantic Relationship.

What is parenting?

Child-raising It occurs when a child or adolescent assumes parental responsibility. For example, if a parent dies, Teenager You may have to take care of your younger siblings (for example, by cooking, cleaning, and doing the laundry).

These responsibilities may include not only instrumental but also psychological responsibilities. This is especially true for children who are forced to meet the emotional needs of their parents. For example, by assuming the role of a spouse, best friend, mediator, confidant, or therapist.

Why does parenting happen?

Parents abandon their roles for a variety of reasons: marital conflict, divorceimmigration, family death, chronic physical or mental illness (eg, multiple sclerosis, Chronic pain, Drug abuse), cultivating yourself, etc.

Regardless of the cause, parenting often sacrifices the needs of the child and brings such developmental priorities Identity Formation, academic ability, relationships with friends.

Parenting children learn that they are rewarded or labeled as “good” only by ignoring age-appropriate desires and devoting themselves to others. So they grew up feeling isolated (and often embarrassing) from their own needs and their true self.

As adults, they tend to experience a sense of emptiness, purposelessness, or worthlessness. They’re struggling anxiety, depression, Somatic symptomseating disorders, and other mental health issues.

Because parenting children are good at predicting the needs of their parents and siblings, they are drawn to romantic partners who need (or require) critical care later. Note. These include partners who have physical or mental health conditions.

So, just as they tried to meet their parents’ needs, they grow up and spend trying to meet their emotional needs narcissism Spouse or care for a partner with drug addiction or chronic pain.

Not surprisingly, studies suggest that some parented individuals are in the process of helping Compassionate occupation (e.g., counseling, nursing, social work), therefore Childhood The role of existence Caregivers and the caregiver.

However, not all parented people become selfless caregivers. Some go to other extremes, abusive and control, It’s strictly demanding Their romantic partners must quickly meet their every need. Needless to say, these relationships are just as problematic as self-sacrificing relationships.

For more information on how parenting affects romantic relationships, see Tolmacz et al. We look at the results of new research by.

Investigating the romantic relationship between parenting and

The authors of this study propose that three destructive behavioral patterns of parents are involved.

One is to overfocus (and ignore yourself) on the needs of your partner. The author calls this type of self-sacrificing behavior “morbid concern.”

The second is the lack of reliability. Reliability It refers to acting in a way that reflects one’s true feelings and beliefs.

The third destructive pattern is the destructive form of relational qualifications. A sense of rights is usually associated Narcissistic personalitybut relational Qualifications are a different concept, and you get the following format:

That health or Assertive The form includes realistic expectations of responsiveness from your romantic partner. Its unhealthy form is either Limited (Whether you are expressing whether you have any expectations from your partner) or It’s bulging (Unrealistic and excessive expectations).

The current study examines whether parent-child relationships were associated with these destructive patterns of behavior in romantic relationships.

The essential reading of relationships

Study participants

Sample of 225 Israeli women (mean age: 25 years, range: 19-32 years). Of these, 62% were currently in an uncommitted romantic relationship, with 8% being married.

tool

Parental Evaluation Survey (PQ). The scale included statements on three aspects of parenthood: instrumental (“I helped my brothers and sisters a lot with homework”), emotional (“I often made sacrifices that were not noticed in my family”), and unfair treatment (my feelings seemed unconsidered in my family”).

Feels like a correction of the relational qualification scale. It consists of Inflated Subscale (“I expect my partner to understand me without having to explain myself”) Limited Subscales (“I’m often obsessed with the question of whether or not I deserve a partner.”).

Pathological Concern Questionnaire (Example: “I tend to form romantic relationships that are completely dedicated to my partner while satisfying my needs.”).

Relationship Reliability Scale. Examples include “I want my partner to have a completely accurate view than a positive one” and “I want to reveal deep feelings to my partner even if the partner may not be able to share.”

Need Satisfaction Scale – Revised. Measures the psychological needs of relevance, autonomy and competence. For example, “When I’m with a romantic partner, I’m free to know who I am.”

Survey results

Childhood parenting was associated with higher pathological concerns, lower reliability, and lower satisfaction with psychological needs in romantic relationships. Lack of reliability and an inflated sense of qualification mediated the association.

To summarise the results, the authors show negative expectations with the boss that show relationship-reciprocal relationships and experience difficulties in disclosing individual needs and wishes to partners.

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With research limitations in generalizability in mind (e.g., a lack of male participants), we can carefully conclude the following:

Parenting adults, especially women, often feel unfulfilled in relationships. why? They…

  • It’s difficult to be open, honest and be loyal to who they are.
  • Sacrificing your own needs to take care of your partner.
  • They feel unsuitable to meet their needs with their partners.

What do individuals need to do to heal? Here are some suggestions:

  1. Use effective methods to communicate your needs and desires to your romantic partner.
  2. Prioritize self-care.
  3. Either deny a need or become stricter, be aware that there are healthy ways to meet your needs.
  4. Understand that they are worth it To meet their needs. That they are always worth it. period.

Visit to find a therapist Psychology Today’s Therapy Directory.



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