When your therapist is tired of talking about politics

Here’s what people tend to forget: Therapists are humans too. It is often forgotten in formal treatment settings, but in some situations it is remembered and shows us that we are not immune to something that affects everyone. Like most people I know, both personally and professionally, I was disappointed with the results of the US presidential election. I didn’t sleep much that night and felt defeated for days afterward. We immediately consulted a group of therapist friends and discussed what would be clinically helpful when we ourselves were freaking out.

As clinicians, we deal with a lot of trauma. After all, people don’t see a therapist when they feel good about their life and the world around them. So the therapist does trauma. And in general, we’re pretty good at what we do.

I am no exception. Every day I sit with people who are deeply hurt. In over 40 years of practice, I have only shared a client’s fear in a handful of situations. Things like 9/11 and the AIDS crisis. Sometimes what they talk about overlaps with my own experience. For example, when a gay man talks about being teased and bullied at school, I can empathize with him because I am a gay man who was also teased as a child. . However, these trauma It’s nothing new or fresh for me. I took time to process them and found some peace. So, even if you relate to a story that you can relate to, you still have distance and perspective.

trauma is shared

The experience of this election changed everything. I wasn’t the only one client’s The trauma that was in the room with us: My own trauma was there too. I was currently sharing the same pain and fear that my client told me about.

We were sitting in it together. People have gone down dark roads, taken me and helped me overcome my own fears. This is a very difficult challenge for therapists, but I hadn’t given it much thought. What do we do when we are in the same place as our customers? What if we are currently dealing with the same problems and challenges? How do we find ways to maintain balance and remain helpful even when we ourselves are triggered?

My only answer is to keep doing what I’ve been doing. That is, self-disclosure as a way to validate what the client is experiencing and comfort them. Many therapists choose never to disclose themselves to their clients. My usual therapeutic style is informal, so I had no problem sharing my views, but I also wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing, without going overboard, without being preachy, and always maintaining my own opinions. You need to stay on top of it. frame of psychotherapy. In other words, I always have to remember that this is not my session.

I don’t know that there are many clinicians approaching this challenge from this particular perspective. We would appreciate any further information. Reaching out to colleagues and raising the issue in a peer supervision group are ways we can all stay both healthy and professional.

Client response to trauma

So I was sitting with a bunch of people think what they are talking about politics. Some of my clients feel completely defeated by the election results, but are able to discuss it and find a way forward, even though it’s uncomfortable. However, those who have previously experienced trauma quickly fall into an exaggerated sense of hopelessness. They learned early on that the world was not safe. In the present moment, as adults, they unconsciously return to previous traumas.

That’s a big deal for me. I feel so overwhelmed and want to quit my job because I care about the people I work with. The emotional impact is draining. It’s not that I don’t want to talk, but that I reorient the client and redirect them away from the worst possible outcome to building a strategy, helping them realize that they are okay with being in the moment, and helping them gain perspective. The emotional impact is draining because you’re trying to help. About how to take care of yourself now.

What happens if this trauma is not shared?

Fortunately, I currently have no clients who are satisfied with the election results. Some clinicians may feel an ethical responsibility to challenge or educate their clients. Some people may become emotionally withdrawn if they hear a perspective that is too different from their own.

A lawyer friend of mine was listening to a story about a client who was getting phone calls who were relieved about the election results. How do you deal with it? I asked. He said, “I let them vent for a little while and then gently redirect them by asking them to tell me how I can be of service to them.” I thought this was a great approach that we therapists could use.

Should clients unfriend others?

Almost every client has someone in their life who has voted donald trump. Dear family. friend. Sometimes they discover shocking people — “I never would have thought in a million years…” and the inevitable question: what do i do? Can I talk to them again?

In my opinion, communication is almost always better than not, as long as it happens in an open forum that creates space for both respect and respect. anger. Stay in the present moment, I encourage my clients to: fear You’re future-oriented and you’re playing out scenarios that may not actually have happened or may not be true.

Tips you can share with your clients to help them get through this holiday:

• They can choose not to discuss politics in advance and agree to respect that decision.
• If you feel it’s important to have a conversation with someone about different beliefs, make sure you have time to talk privately, try to understand the other person, and ask for the same courtesy from yourself. Please join us.
• Ending in an argument or walking away is not a desirable solution.
• it’s okay do not have Talk about it and focus on less exciting conversation topics. Think about your history with this person and how important they were to you.

And finally, help them understand that whatever they are feeling, their therapist probably feels the same way. In fact, the therapist may not actually be tired. They may just want to help people be more productive in their approach to what to do when they feel out of control.