Don’t try hard for Love In Love

Maybe it’s because I’m a New Yorker, my ex-wife is Californian and New Yorkers are used to doing everything on others and if you don’t interrupt them they think you’re not paying Note.

Or maybe it was born from a fantasy in which when the two fell in love, a soft display of fusion is proven by feeding each other, dressing in the same colour and finishing each other’s sentences.

The problem was that my ex-wife didn’t do that. Like I finished her writing. I fantasized that it speculated the intercourse of mind. It means the intimacy that people mean when people brag about “He knows I know what I say before I say it.” It means understanding of telepathy. We can use fewer words to save us Intimate.

Unfortunately, it turned out to be half the time I didn’t do it I actually know what she was trying to say – and we were together for 20 years – and I ended up committing the equivalent of the conversation. Cutting in line. She said that this habit was considered a form of trespass, although well intended, and that made her feel invisible. For me, it was just a conversation. For her, it was a hostile takeover.

Among the most common insights from our spiritual, psychedelic traditions is the revelation that builds the boundaries of “it’s all connected” and “we are all one.” But in the real world of roads and roads, we do not have All, and a certain amount of separation remains an operational need. You may romanticize union with one and boundaries – you two will complete me, and I am not one without you, one flesh and one heart – but this is not true intimacy. It’s the enemy. The kind of fusion that makes it difficult for people to stick to their own peculiarity in their efforts to separate and solder two to one.

We may go everything about the goal of unity, but Twoness is just as important and more realistic. It gives the tip of the hat boundary It will naturally surround people, not deny the difference or suppress your integrity Reliability To maintain the appearance of unity. Or a dream of it.

Psychologists call this task differentiation and consider it the basis of healthy intimacy. “It’s not as comfortable as oneness, but it’s not as sticky either,” says David Schnacchi. Passionate marriage. “It’s as warm and psychologically clean as you want.” It is also the basis of evolution itself, which aims at diversity rather than identity.

Maybe love is like a moth of flame, or a man to God. You can circle all your loved ones you want, but if you dare to be straight into the light, you will perish as your relationship is. You need to keep your distance.

In other words, a certain amount of recurrence within a relationship is important, moving from one to another from time to time. Cultivate a few different interests and build with a bit of expectation from time to time. Sometimes the hearts grow healthy with each other. And don’t try to finish each other’s writing. Understand that the essential paradox of love, and the key ingredient in erotic relationships, understand that the connection requires separation and celebrates the time, not merely tolerate it.

Plus, the closer you get to others, the more they become in fact clear –otherOften overcoming the boundaries of the need and agenda to refute yours, as well as the need for everyone to put asaunaum and the amount of merging cannot be overcome. “I consider this to be the best challenge for bonding between two people,” said Czech poet Reiner Lilke once, “each should be protected by the loneliness of others.”

And if you feel that cultivating separations is becoming too hard, consider it as self-development. This is the best thing you can do for the health of your relationship anyway. As long as “breaking up will allow the heart to grow,” you will not be able to “see and see.” If a retreat from another person is counter-popping Progressand you will come back from them with the gift of your loneliness and self-time, and it is unlikely that you will turn into a habit of avoidance either.

However, dismantling the merged impulses confronts not only personal patterns, but historical and cultural patterns, but also historical and cultural. This starts with a dream of returning to the garden, or a paradise of sheep’s life, or a dream of wholeness that we thought we had in the Ipolar Period before being separated from nature.

We spend our lives trying to overcome the sense of separation that defines much of the human experience. Loneliness It was overturned. And our natural response to this sudden violation in our isolation is to cling to those who help bring it.

So that’s asking Many Deliberately revive your own separation, embracing your beloved with arm length, reconstructing any part of the wall, intermittently and intermittently, and for any good and healthy reasons. But that happens anyway when the non-ideal part of your partner begins to show, the conflict begins and the disappointment accumulates. And when things fall apart, you naturally tend to blame your partner Fantasy.

A friend recently shared a book called me Mirror effect“It’s dedicated to helping readers find “magic matches” by encouraging readers to find partners who have the same mentality. Psychicemotions, life perspective, Sexuality, ethicsand A sense of humor. And who can finish your writing? Your magical match will look like the same twins. You’re always agreeing. And if that works, it’s wrong. ”

You allow my Halrunfing response to this, but I am the same twins and my brother and I are not always agreeing with. And we definitely had to do it from time to time work Things come out between us and strive for understanding forgivenessnegotiating conflicts and misunderstandings, struggling to return to love.

Conflict is inevitable. In fact, it is proof that we are not “one.” It’s not a sign that there’s something “wrong.” The author seems to set people for very unrealistic expectations, if not heartache. I’m wrong Rather, in their relationship, they are simply human, and this is the difficult human job of loving others. And the author’s approach is not a celebration of “Viva La’s Differences.” They equate differences with incompatibility.

In my opinion, the author’s belief (and cultural belief) that magical couples “share a single heart, heart, soul” and “complete each other” has done a lot of damage over the course of thousands of years. The two do it do not have Share a single heart, heart, or soul. They each have My own Heart, heart, soul. This is not a defect. And each of them was whole before meeting the other.

As Kahlil Gibran famously wrote in his poem About marriage:

“We haven’t been standing together yet.

For the pillars of the temple,

And the oak trees and cypress grow

They are not in each other’s shadows. ”