Coping tools in your self-care tool chest

In the fourth of a five-part series, we discuss the basic tools you should have in your self-care toolbox when coming from relational. trauma With that background in mind, let’s explore another proverbial drawer: a coping tool.

What are coping tools?

I briefly outlined this in the first post of this series. Yet, again, coping tools essentially refer to the in-the-moment techniques that individuals use to deal with difficult and emotionally charged situations.

And for those of us who come from a background of relationship trauma, difficult situations can be small moments that “objectively” feel subjectively. huge and overwhelming (especially before doing more processing work in stage 2 of the treatment model).

It is incumbent upon us all to have a rich drawer of coping tools, as we are likely to use them in the future. a lot.

Many of these strategies dialectical behavior therapy and cognitive behavioral therapytwo gold standard therapies for pain relief.

15 coping tools

1. Mindfulness Practice: Mindfulness is being fully present in the present moment without judgment. Observing your thoughts and emotions without reacting helps you develop calmness and lessen the impact of painful emotions. Try to practice this awareness for a few minutes each day by noticing your breathing and the sensations around you.
2. Radical acceptance: Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to like However, accepting reality as it is can greatly reduce the pain. If you accept the current situation without trying to change it, you may feel less frustrated. Remember, acceptance means facing the facts, not giving up. You can still work towards change.
3. Distraction techniques: When your emotions get out of control, sometimes the best thing to do is give your mind a break. Engage in activities like reading, watching a few minutes of Netflix, or pursuing a hobby to temporarily shift your focus and reduce emotional intensity.
4. Calm yourself: By using your five senses, you can create a calming environment. Listen to calming music, touch your skin, take a warm bath, and enjoy some soothing time. scent (Ideally, do all of these at once). Research shows how these multisensory experiences can bring immediate comfort and reduce pain.
5. Pros and cons: When faced with pain, it’s helpful to weigh the pros and cons of tolerating it versus avoiding it. Write down the advantages and disadvantages of facing pain head-on versus running away from it. This process helps you make more rational decisions. stressful (And for me, the pain of avoidance rarely outweighs the pain of confronting it).
6. improve That moment: through Images, meaning, prayer, relaxation, one thing at a time, vacation, and encouragement. Techniques such as visualizing peaceful scenes and taking short mental breaks can help improve your mental state during times of distress.
7. skill From DBT: It uses body temperature, vigorous exercise, paced breathing, and gradual muscle relaxation. To quickly reduce emotional arousal, spray your face with cold water, do some simple physical activity, and practice deep breathing.
8. Opposite action: act in the opposite direction emotionsImpulses can be an effective coping mechanism. For example, if you feel like isolating yourself, engage with others instead by texting a friend or going outside and talking to your neighbor in the garden. This may seem counterintuitive, but it counteracts negative emotions and promotes positive behavior.
9. Self-pity: It may seem obvious, but be kind to yourself, especially when times are tough. Practice self-care and talk to yourself in a supportive and understanding way. This coping tool helps reduce the effects of distress and rewires neural pathways toward more functional and adaptive thinking and behavior.
10. Grounding technology: Grounding involves being aware of the physical sensations around you and focusing on the present. This may include touching textured objects or listening to sounds in the environment. Grounding anchors you in the present moment and reduces painful thoughts. I encourage my clients to wear fidget rings or keep tactile objects like Kush balls or other fidget toys on their desks.
11. Check the facts: Find out if your distressing thoughts are accurate. Ask yourself whether your thoughts are based on facts or assumptions. listen, “Are you sure with 100% certainty that this is true?” Challenging and finding the lack of truth or unhelpful thoughts can reduce your suffering.
12. Participate in fun activities: I’m going to state the obvious here, but try to engage in activities that bring you joy and satisfaction. Whether it’s video games, Zoom, cocktails with your girlfriends, or lazing around in the kitchen while listening to an audiobook, these activities distract from your pain and improve your mood (and make you feel like you have a life. ).
13. Architecture proficiency: Building a sense of competence and accomplishment is extremely empowering. Can be achieved by setting small the goal Work towards level 1 and then level 2 of Duo Lingo. Run one mile at 4.5 mph, then 5 mph, and so on. this will increase confidence And when you demonstrate both your agency and your capacity for mastery, you feel less helpless.
14. Spiritual grounding: By thinking about categories such as musical instruments and types of wood, and listing as many as possible, you activate your prefrontal cortex and reduce hijacking of your limbic system. Another method is to memorize and recite something you know, such as a poem or song. This allows you to distract yourself and focus your thoughts.
15. use humor: Humor is a great way to relieve pain. No matter how much you love someone, there is a huge difference in mood and feeling. nervous system When you switch from binge-watching Game of Thrones to watching The Office. Give yourself comedy as a coping skill to endure the pain (and give yourself a break from the wonderful, but usually very heavy, HBO goodness).

I hope you find at least one of these coping tools helpful to read and add to your box of self-care tools.