Bad grade report card: what it means and how to deal with it

Walter was distraught. He was attending his son Jake’s sixth grade fall conference in the morning. He was trying his best to understand that his son’s grades in math, English, and social studies were below average. When Jake’s teachers talked about his son’s inattention and disorganization, it sounded like they were making excuses for him. For Walter, this meant that his son was just a lazy loser, distracted by childish interests. But at the same time, he couldn’t help but remember his father talking about his poor performance in school. He always promised his son that he would never do the same thing to him: to blame and humiliate him. But even here he had the exact same thoughts and feelings swirling around in his head. Walter was embarrassed and even angry. He knew it wouldn’t be of much use to Jake.

Walter thinks about what to say to Jake. thank you I can talk to my wife, Marcia. She was a very good student and did well in school. She didn’t have the same feelings either. As she listened with Walter, she realized that the teachers’ explanations were completely different. She noticed that despite Jake’s efforts, organization and concentration issues were getting in the way. Interestingly, Jake reminded her of her younger brother, who had similar learning problems at school. She found herself thinking about how her parents supported Sam and how all their consideration helped Sam become a more successful student.

But what can Jake do? Why are she and Walter thinking so differently, and more importantly, what can they do together?

Our clinical experience with families like Jake’s has shown us that the problem is often more than just a child’s learning difficulties. These can be addressed with proper educational planning. Starting with a neuropsychological assessment of Jake’s learning style, issues affecting his learning efforts will be brought to the fore so the school team can develop and implement an improvement plan.

However, an important underlying issue that could make or break the success of the school team’s educational intervention lies with Jake’s parents. Their attitude and behavior will color the support they can provide him. Only by being clear about what personal thoughts and feelings were triggered by Jake’s conflicts can you identify, process, and manage your own reactions in a way that is most productive for Jake’s care. Walter knew he was angry, but it took some work to figure out exactly why and what was at the root of those feelings so he could better serve Jake.

Guidelines for parents

talk to each other

First, it’s important for parents to talk to each other and share their feelings and perspectives about their child’s progress in school, as Walter and Marcia did. Where are their points of agreement or disagreement? Work together to eradicate unsupportive thoughts and attitudes. Discuss any fears or concerns you may have about your child. Include memories of your own school experiences or those close to you, such as siblings, nephews, or nieces. How were you or they supported or undermined by your parents’ responses?

make a plan

With the help of a trusted professional, develop a plan that you can implement with your child. Talk to your child’s teacher or education team. Seek professional advice and follow their plans and recommendations. If a neuropsychological evaluation is recommended, as is often the case, follow up as soon as possible. Please contact us if you have any questions about what is included in such an evaluation. We want to be able to answer your child’s questions. Be sure to let your teachers know that you appreciate their observation and support.

Think about how to interact with children

Think about how best to discuss this with your child. Low grades indicate that learning problems need to be addressed. Before you sit down with your child, resolve any remaining parental disagreements that may still exist. Exposing your child to your disagreements can be confusing and frightening. A united front is best.

Share your plans with your child

It is important that your child understands that any plans or assessments are intended to improve their performance at school, and are never intended to do so. punishment Regarding past performance. Try to speak in a warm and supportive tone. We begin by discussing the meeting with the teacher, your child’s performance, and some recommendations the teacher has made to help your child.

We’ll explain what this involves and highlight why it’s worth doing. Please let me be clear. You are delivering news that requires your child to work harder and work harder, in the hopes that it will help him achieve. Answer your child’s questions in a clear and simple manner. Listen as they describe and discuss their class experiences. Please be precise. Don’t be harsh.

Make sure you are sensitive to any negative self-feelings this may evoke in your child’s mind, and be prepared to offer comfort, reassurance, and encouragement. Let him know that you are confident in the success of the plan and believe that by working more closely together as a team – teachers, students and parents – everyone will see things become easier and better. Please be realistic. This is not an overnight change, but the beginning of a process where everyone works together to create positive results over time.

Child follow-up

Come back to this conversation often, like a “pep talk.” Share the results of your neuropsychological evaluation in a way your child can understand. Please be very encouraging as you adopt and implement the recommendations. Be considerate and show support for what your child needs to do right now. Be sure to point out the accomplishments along the way, no matter how small, and always show your child appreciation for their efforts. Be consistent and persistent, and expect some bumps in the road as you work to help your child achieve what their teacher expects of them. Be prepared that it will take time for your child to implement new instructions, and that there will be moments when your child does not follow your advice. This too will change, but only with gentle but firm redirection and understanding.

Teacher follow-up

Stay in close contact with your child’s teacher to ensure everyone is clear about the expectations you currently have for your student. Your teacher will keep you informed about your child’s progress, and you can request regular notifications. Share what you see at home and ask how it differs from what you see in the classroom. As we move forward together, please be flexible with any additional recommendations or changes suggested.

In our experience, no matter how strong students are, many children who try to do their best encounter learning problems. Our job as parents is to lead the way in any way we can. It’s important that we don’t let our own school history or emotions get in the way of helping our children become the best students they can be. Success was slow but steady as Walter, Marcia, Jake, and his instructional team followed a plan tailored to meet Jake’s learning needs. Jake gained new experience confidence And Walter learned to detach from his own history. guilt and humiliation From a story Jake was writing for himself. A book that supports your steady work and gives you pride in your hard-earned achievements.