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My-Linh Le grew up watching her parents explode with a small mistake. When she forgot her backpack in first grade, her mother kicked it across the room and hit a wall. When her sister ruined dinner, her father threw a plate. The house remained unpredictable and filled anger It woke up at night and worried that she might have been wrong the next day.
As a child, Le thought that all Vietnamese families had acted this way. But a few years later, during a call with her boyfriend, when he didn’t do what she was expecting, the anger “just suddenly came out of nowhere.” She wanted to throw a phone into the room. “This was a truly melancholy moment when I realized I was like a mother,” she said.
Her parents had experienced great losses. Her father’s first wife and son owned when their boat sank to arrive in America. Her mother had left her daughter behind in Vietnam, but she feared that the girl’s kick and screams would mean their escape would be discovered. These losses, although undiscussed and barely recognized, have shaped the emotional landscape of the family and passed its effect to the next generation.
Le’s story shows us something important. Trauma does not only affect people who experience it first hand. It can ripple over generations and manifests in unexpected ways to children and grandchildren who have never experienced the original event.
What is intergenerational trauma?
Most of us think about intergenerational trauma in a simple way. Parents experience some type of trauma (may be abuse or neglect), and then their children have similar experiences. However, licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Rebecca Babcock Fenersi said: The definition is much deeper.
Intergenerational trauma also includes an increased risk for a child to experience the outcome of that trauma. This includes poststrauma Stress disorders, mood disorders, behavioral issues, and confusion Attachments.
Dr. Fenerlusi gives this example. You may be at risk If the child also experiences physical abuse. However, children are also at increased risk for certain mood disorders and behavioral problems, and the function of attachment disruption, cortisol changes, or stress response systems may function. ”
This means A trauma transmission may occur Even if certain traumatic events do not repeat. The effects of trauma – changing stress responses, emotional patterns, and relationship difficulties – can go on to the next generation.
Why do people react so differently to trauma?
I was surprised to learn How people react To a traumatic environment. Research on children of Holocaust survivors and Vietnam War veterans shows astonishing. Even within these groups, the effects were completely different for different people. Some people experience truly horrifying events and continue to live fulfilling lives. Others think we don’t have much of an overwhelming event, but they are heavily influenced by them.
Dr. Fenersi explains why this happens Diacetic acid stress model. This shows us gene and It’s stressful Events work together to shape what happens to us. The severity and chronicity of the trauma are also important. As she says, “The more chronic or severe a trauma such as the Holocaust is, the more serious and very chronic it is, and the more likely it is that the trauma will affect the majority of the population that has endured it.”
Even siblings who grew up in the same family and shared half of their genes can have very different outcomes.
How the brain handles trauma
Understanding how trauma in the brain works can help explain why it can affect us and our children for years. brain Treat trauma differently More than normal memories.
When an event occurs that we find traumatic, Our fights and flight responses begin. Our bodies are full of stress hormone. If this happens too much, it can cause two things, especially in family trauma. You may have some very vivid memories of returning. Or you might forget the trauma completely.
During traumatic events, our limbic systems work very hard to keep us safe. But the frontal lobe – it helps to think clearly and understand things, but it is closed. This is part of the brain that helps us organize our memories and understand what happened to us.
This survival mechanism is problematic when trauma is not discussed. When trauma is not spoken, survivors are unable to process and understand the event.
Extreme communication that causes problems
Families deal with trauma in very different ways. Some people don’t talk about it at all. Others always talk about it. Both approaches can cause problems.
The danger of complete silence
Many Japanese Americans They never mentioned their experiences in concentration camps. During World War II. This left a lasting impact on their children. When we are hurt by something, it affects us in many different ways. If we don’t understand what happened, their effects continue to regenerate in our relationships and everyday experiences.
Certain rehashing issues
To the extreme of the opposite, one family story shows what happens when trauma is too discussed. His grandfather was so abusive that he once planned to line up his wife and children at muzzle and kill them all before committing suicide. Only when his mother left the toilet and cried out to stop him could he drop the gun and his grandmother could he sneak all the children out of the house that night.
Four older daughters developed a variety Addictive A problem throughout your life. But “every time they came together as a family, something else was happening whenever they rehashed all of their abuse memories into absolutely unbearable details.”
Despite this constant debate, my granddaughter, who grew up in an otherwise loved home, was so frightening that he couldn’t understand why.
This constant retelling can cause subrogational trauma. When we hear about the traumatic events that our loved ones have experienced, it can also upset us.
Final Thoughts
Understanding intergenerational trauma helps us see many of us Child-raising The struggle may not be a personal failure. They may be the result of trauma that occurred before we were born. This knowledge can be calm and hopeful. The effects of trauma are more relaxed than you imagined, but understanding gives you the power to make many different choices.
In the next post in this series, we explore how intergenerational trauma can be displayed specifically in parenting. From how to deal with a child’s big emotions to patterns that repeat without realizing it. To break these cycles, it’s not just about working hard to become a better parent.
