5 parenting rules for narcissists

Parental narcissism is an increasingly researched topic, with recent analyzes showing the following correlations: narcissist with parents I’m worried and evasive attachment Adult children’s style. Raise awareness of how narcissism affects you child rearing It is important for support systems to recognize patterns and know when and how to intervene (Palumbo, 2023).

Narcissistic parents exhibit several common traits when interacting with their children. This is the opposite of healthy parenting, which requires a high degree of empathy, respect, and, of course, self-sacrifice. Successful parents are able to simultaneously impose authority and warm consideration on their children, caring deeply for their children’s needs and feelings while adhering to their children’s needs for rules and regulations. boundary line.

5 rules of parenting for narcissists

Understanding how narcissists parent is an important first step to changing those harmful patterns and paving the way for using healthier strategies in parenting. Here are five common parenting “rules” commonly used by narcissistic parents.

1. Parents’ desires always take precedence. In a healthy parent-child relationship, parents are able to put aside their own interests when necessary for the child’s well-being. Of course, that doesn’t mean that children’s needs always come first. Rather, it means that healthy functioning parents understand that raising children requires some self-sacrifice.

Narcissistic parents do not consider their children’s needs to be equal to (and never consider to be more important than) their own. In their eyes, their own desires should take precedence, and they tend to see children as subordinates, beings who exist to command respect from them in a sense. Narcissistic parents want to see their children treat them in a way that boosts their emotional strength. self-esteem: They deserve to be specialized. Note And I respect them just because of who they are.

From the narcissistic parent’s perspective, the child should want the same things as him, and if he doesn’t, he should follow the parent’s will. If a child has needs that the narcissistic parent does not agree with, the parent expects the child to ignore those needs.

Children of narcissists tend to feel that they shouldn’t express their needs, especially if they conflict with their parents’ desires. They often bottle up those needs and suffer in silence or act in ways that are inconsistent with the situation at hand. Because they understand on a deep level that their needs are not important in their parents’ eyes.

2. Children only show respect if they agree with everything their parents say and do. Healthy parenting allows children to develop their own opinions and encourages them in developmentally appropriate ways. Not only does it build a healthy sense of self, it’s also part of maturing and becoming more independent.

Narcissistic parents expect their children to follow the same path without question. Questioning decisions, even if done in a polite and appropriate way, is considered disrespectful by the narcissistic parent. In their eyes, respect ideally means always agreeing, and at worst it means pretending to agree.

Unfortunately, refusing to allow children their own opinions and voices can damage their self-esteem. But for the narcissistic parent, the child should not play any further role anyway. There is no such thing as mutual respect in such a relationship. The only respect a narcissistic parent believes in is complete obedience to their commands.

3. Children’s feelings are ignored. One of the important tasks of healthy parents is to encourage emotional awareness in their children and help them develop empathy for others. If children grow up unable to recognize or understand their own emotions, it will be nearly impossible for them to experience empathy for others.

Narcissistic parents often believe that their child’s emotions are only valuable if they match their own. Children who express emotions Those who contradict one’s own opinion are often seen as instigators, or at the very least, judged as having the “wrong” sentiments.

Children of narcissistic parents may grow up believing that their emotions are worthless and should not be felt or expressed. They may try to infer and imitate the emotions of others, rather than truly understanding and experiencing their own emotions.

4. Parenthood is a tool. Healthy relationships are built on reciprocity and function on empathy and mutual respect. But for the narcissist, relationships serve one purpose. It is a tool used to get what you want from others.

Narcissistic parents often view their relationships with their children as a means to an end. It’s a way of receiving praise from others, or a type of it. identity. In some cases, narcissistic parents view their relationship with their children as insurance. If the child was physically supported, the child should, in turn, be in debt to the parent.

In the long run, healthy relationships have many benefits, but narcissistic relationships carry more risk than reward. Adult children of narcissistic parents often have a hard time navigating these relationships because they involve drawbacks and consequences rather than mutual benefit and reciprocity.

5. Parents are never responsible. Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but if handled properly, it can be resolved and can serve as a stepping stone to improving relationships. However, in a narcissistic relationship, conflicts are never truly resolved because the narcissist does not take responsibility.

Narcissistic parents are rare, if ever. apologize It means something to the children when you hurt them in some way. Instead, they blame their child or a close party for the harm and argue that they never would have been harmed if they had acted differently. After all, narcissistic parents have a carte blanche right to act in any way they “see fit,” regardless of how it affects their child.

Taking responsibility involves admitting that you have hurt or wronged, taking steps to make amends, and not doing the same thing again. Narcissistic parents may superficially apologize when they feel pressured by an outside force, but their apologies have a purpose and no real accountability. Without the weight of true regret, you will feel empty, as if you were part of the act.

Recognizing patterns empowers victims

Although narcissistic parenting patterns have not been studied as much as other interactions, recent research has been conducted to establish trends and find ways to reduce the negative effects of this parenting style. . Unfortunately, narcissism doesn’t “go away,” so understanding its patterns and utilizing strategies to reduce its effects are the best tools to combat it.